Review for Monster Energy--Lo-Carb

CAFFEINE CONTENT

120 mg/12 oz. can

160 mg/16 oz. can

240 mg/24 oz. can

320 mg/32 oz. can

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

This low carbohydrate version of the original Monster Energy is found everywhere that its high calorie counterpart is, which is to say that it falls in the category of “least difficult” to acquire.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—9

While most low-calorie/diet/etc. drinks often come packaged in a can that appears to be intended a warning against the taste more than anything else, Monster packages Lo-Carb in a can that has always caught my eye and intrigued me, even in the days where I studiously avoided any such variant of an existing sugared beverage.  It is not a whit less effective than the original, and almost seems to declare that the fact that it’s low on calories will have no effect on the flavor.  Same tiff I had with the original applies here in that it seems stupid to make the 24 oz. can resealable and not do the same to the 32 oz. BFC. 

TASTE—8

The reason I avoided beverages such as Monster Energy—Lo-Carb in the past was out of fear for the taste—in my experience, many diet drinks were desperately lacking in the flavor department, and the artificial sweeteners contained therein served only to mar the experience by their strong and often unpleasant aftertastes.  Well, drinks like Xenergy Cran Razz Premium and Monster Nitrous—Black Ice opened my mind to the possibility that not all such beverages had to suck, and finally I decided to start reviewing low calorie drinks starting with Monster Energy—Lo-Carb.  Popping the tab on the can, I was greeted with a smell identical to the original—so far so good, but will it hold up to my expectations in terms of flavor?  I am pleased to say that it did—it is Monster to the core, and an excellent alternative to the original for those who want to limit their intake of empty calories as much as they can.  Something to remember is that the sucralose taste is extremely prominent the first time you drink this, but diminishes exponentially each subsequent time.  By the time I got to the BFC, I could barely tell the difference—except I liked this one more.  Just smoother overall.

12 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—7.5

I actually got a pretty decent jolt out of this new can—only a hair less than the larger, vastly more common (for now) 16 oz. can.  It’ll wake you up in a heartbeat and actually get you reasonably jittery, which is more than what some drinks with the same caffeine content can claim.

KICK (DURATION)—7.5

The slim can didn’t do bad in this regard, either—seems I was just shy of three and a half hours before the effects actually wore off.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.67

In my review of the original 12 oz. Monster Energy, I stated that it wasn’t bad, considering I only spent a dollar on it, and stated that there was no real harm in trying it if one were to be interested.  Having now had the 12 oz. Monster Energy—Lo-Carb, I can say that 1) it’s a much better value in terms of energy, and 2) it tastes better.  If you’ve got a buck to spend, go with the 12 oz. Lo-Carb.

16 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY) —8

The 16 oz. Monster Energy—Lo-Carb performed very well in terms of intensity of kick, even outdoing the original by some degree (not sure how that works; but it is consistently the case with almost every low-carb drink I’ve had).  Anticipate a healthy degree of jitters with an absence of residual fatigue.

KICK (DURATION) —8

I found my time energized by Lo-Carb to be quite pleasant overall—it didn’t just slap me across the face and leave floundering, but provided me with a much needed lift that was very slow to wear off.  The end of the experience was uneventful, with no crash to hold against it.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8

While it may not be to the liking of those who are extremely finicky about their Monster beverages tasting exactly like the original, I found the 16 oz. Monster Energy—Lo-Carb to be an exceptionally agreeable and effective energy drink experience experience.  If you love the flavor but don’t want to feel guilty about drinking it, I offer my recommendation of Monster Energy—Lo-Carb as a delicious and effective alternative.

24 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—9.5

The 24 oz. can is a bit slow getting started, but when it hits, it hits suddenly and it hits hard.  I found the original to be effective, but a bit lackluster—not so with Lo-Carb.  It had me seriously wired, enough that it cost me a good deal of effort to keep from jabbering my head off to the cashier at the gas station.

KICK (DURATION)—9.5

No half-hearted job out of Lo-Carb—I got about four hours of solid, unadulterated energy or so before I was ready to hit the sack for the night.

THE DRINK OVERALL—9

The more I drink Lo-Carb, the more I like it.  The 24 oz. can rocked—great taste, great energy.  This drink in this size will suffice in any realistic energy-requiring situation, but…there’s still the BFC to review.

32 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—10

I’ll be honest—I didn’t enjoy the original Monster BFC.  I got wired, sure, but I felt sluggish from all the sugar I got, and “sluggish” isn’t an adjective I like to use when I talk about how I feel after I’ve drank 320 mg of caffeine.  Then comes my time to review the Lo-Carb BFC, and WOAH…this is what 320 mg of is supposed to feel like.  This thing had me seriously freaking jacked up.  No sluggishness.  No pancreas singing “Sadly Sings Destiny” by Blind Guardian.  Just energy.  Lots and lots of energy….

KICK (DURATION)—10

With a lot of beverages, I get wired for a half hour, 45 minutes, and from there it just diminishes; whether it does so slowly or quickly varies.  This was not the case with the Lo-Carb BFC—I was consistently wired for about four and a half hours before any sort of diminishing occurs, and even then it’s kind of a slow process—I was still pretty awake for an hour and a half or so after the tapering off started.

THE DRINK OVERALL—9.33

I honestly think that the 24 oz. will suffice, but there is really nothing to lose (except sleep) going for the BFC.  In addition to being effective, all 32 ounces go down smooth and will not nuke every organ involved in sugar metabolism.  If asked, I would suggest bypassing the original Monster Energy BFC and get the Lo-Carb version.

WEBSITE: monsterenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Monster Lo-Carb review, traditional energy drink flavor, Red Bull clone, 15 calories per 12 oz. can, 20 calories per 16 oz. can, 30 calories per 24 oz. can, 40 calories per 32 oz. can, Monster Lo-Carb 12 oz. review, Monster Lo-Carb 16 oz. review, Monster Lo-Carb 24 oz. review, Monster Lo-Carb 32 oz. review, Monster Lo-Carb Mega can, Monster Lo-Carb BFC, 12 ounces, 16 ounces, 24 ounces, 32 ounces

Review for Monster Energy--Heavy Metal

To start things off, I should let you know that if you plan on reading the entirety of this review, you will probably want to get comfortable.  I’m going to deviate from my normal format a bit and write this as sort of a review/memoir.  Given how dang near impossible finding Monster Energy—Heavy Metal was, actually being able to get my hands on a can and give it a shot was a bigger deal than it would have otherwise been, and it will consequentially be given a more extensive treatment.  That said, I will make an end to the preface and get started.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

320 mg/32 oz. can

EASE IN ACQUISITION—0

When I first got into energy drinking a couple of years back, I discovered a nifty website (energyfiend.com) containing, among other things, a sizable list of energy products with their corresponding caffeine contents.  Browsing said list, I found a product that for some reason intrigued me: Monster Energy—Heavy Metal.  Looking it over, I made a mental note to keep an eye open for it and went on with my life.  A few months went by, and after checking at every single convenience store, grocery store, and gas station I came to, not a bit of luck—nobody carried it anywhere, ever.  I knew it existed, or at least should—it was at the time on the Monster Energy website—but after a time the company discontinued the product, and I all but gave up on finding it until I finally decided to bite the bullet and bought a can on eBay. Moral of the story: this drink is, for all intents and purposes, impossible to find, and unless the Monster Energy company gets inundated with petitions to bring the beverage back (which I doubt), I don’t think it’ll ever get easier.  UPDATE (11-16-11):  In response to rumors concerning the acquisition of Monster Energy—Heavy Metal, I made a trip to Big Lots and found that, at least for the time being, they do stock it there.  If you're hoping to find it you should be able to do so there, though I'd act quickly; I doubt that supplies will last.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—10

A look at the can should be enough to tell anyone why I became so intrigued to begin with—even next to Import, Heavy Metal sports probably the best packaging of any Monster Energy product I’ve seen.  The thing is a beast—the first thing you notice once you see it is the fact that it comes in a freaking huge 32 oz. can, and only then you see the motif…poison green background, metal concert silhouette in the foreground, Monster M and Heavy Metal logo repeating twice over the periphery of the can—it’s the kind of packaging that most energy drink companies scarcely manage to dream of, let alone produce.  Full marks to the Monster Energy company for this one.

TASTE—10

The prospect of tasting Monster Energy—Heavy Metal had me a little apprehensive to begin with—the fact that reviews were almost universally negative aside, they were, for the most part, not helpful at all in giving me any sort of idea as to what I should expect tastewise.  One review described the taste as being a homogeny of body fluids gathered from the mosh pit of a heavy metal concert, another describing it as being akin to petroleum distillates, and in yet another (a video review) the individuals filming it simply pointed the camera at each other and called each other gay for five minutes before each giving it a sip and offering exceptionally vague critiques of the flavor.  Naturally, when the time came to try it myself, I did so having no idea what I was getting into.  Opening up the can, the first smell reminded me to some degree of NOS, but distinct all the same (it is interesting to note that the smell changed as I continued drinking…about halfway through it started to smell like my wife's mango/peach gum, and after that it took upon itself a pleasant fermented odor).  Taking a taste…it was equally hard to place; I was inclined to show some degree of mercy towards those who found themselves unable to describe it themselves.  Giving it my own shot, the taste reminded me of the tastes of grapefruit and lime, but without the sourness of either.  Strangely enough, I also tasted a little bit of salt in the mix—almost reminds me of limes sprinkled with salt.  While I can understand why some people wouldn’t be terribly fond of it, I have a hard time understanding the loathing some demonstrated for it.  As for myself, I found the result to be exceptionally delicious, and by far one of the most unique things I have tasted since I started energy drinking.

KICK (INTENSITY)—10+

And now on to the kick…well, with 320 mg of caffeine, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that it wasn’t long after I finished the can that I found myself to be exceptionally energetic, and for a brief time felt almost uncomfortably so—even as diluted as it was, it’s still got a ton of caffeine, and isn’t for featherweights.  Also to be noted is the fact that the drink, with all its caffeine and its 32 oz. size, makes for a potent diuretic.  Take this into account if you plan on drinking it before a long drive, movie date, meeting, etc.

KICK (DURATION)—10

No surprises or disappointments here, either.  If you need to be wired, Monster Energy—Heavy Metal will keep you wired and functional for the better part of five hours after the fact.  Even as hardcore as the kick I got out of it was, I was quite impressed with the lack of crash after the fact.

THE DRINK OVERALL—10

Well, I for one am sorry to see this drink go.  I loved Monster Energy—Heavy Metal…I loved the tasted, I loved the kick, I loved how different it was from everything else I’ve tasted.  Concluding this review, I’m reminded of the song “Would You Love a Monsterman” by Lordi—I’ve tried Monster Energy—Heavy Metal, and I can indeed understand the beauty of the beast.  If given the chance, I recommend you try it, however big an “if” that may be….

WEBSITE: monsterenergy.com 

KEYWORDS: Monster Heavy Metal review, 32 oz. can, discontinued, impossible to find, south-of-the-border, Unleash the Beast, limited edition, BFC

Review for Go Fast Lemonade Lime Energy Hybrid

CAFFEINE CONTENT

162 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

As with just about all of the products Go Fast distributes (with the possible exception of the original, which I can actually find at a place or three within a 20-mile radius of here), I had a hard time finding this one.  Few locations seem to carry it, and those that do are typically a bit out of the way.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

The look is pretty unremarkable and about what you would expect given the flavor, just the logo and a stock image of lemons and limes.  There isn’t much more to it than that.

TASTE—7

Given my experience with Go Fast Berry Energy Hybrid, I really wasn’t looking forward to drinking another beverage in which stevia was prominently advertised as an ingredient.  Beginning the drive home from Twin Falls, I opened the can, braced myself, took a sip, and…whoa.  I took another sip, then another, followed by a healthy swig.  Was it great?  No, I wouldn’t say so.  But it was decent, and coming from a stevia-hater like myself, that’s a big deal.  The taste is very lemon-oriented, with the lime manifesting itself mostly as an aftertaste (albeit a pleasing one).  And what’s more, it was convincing—blindfold me, give me a glass of this and a glass of lemon/limeade, and I probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the two.  Now, to elaborate on the impact of the stevia, I actually didn’t taste it at all—my guess is that a strong sweetener needs a strong flavor (like one provided by a homogeny of lemons and limes) to cover up the less desirable attributes of its taste, and it seems that Go Fast Lemonade Lime Energy Hybrid has done just that.  As I said, it’s not stellar, but it at least represents a step in the right direction when it comes to using stevia as a sweetener.

KICK (INTENSITY) —7

Kick was intermediate in strength to the original and the berry formulation—less potent than the former, moreso than the latter.  It did the job just fine, and that’s all I really cared about.

KICK (DURATION) —8

I am pleased to report that as far as duration is concerned, Go Fast! Lemonade Lime Energy Hybrid is above average.  I was quite concerned that it would wear off, given the fact that we had to make an extra 45-minute trip back to Twin Falls after we’d left, but I was covered for that and the rest of the trip.  Nice job, Go Fast Company.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.33

Even though it’s hasn’t exactly found a place as one of my favorites, Go Fast Lemonade Lime Energy Hybrid has certainly earned my respect by virtue of its overcoming its stevia content and delivering a palpable flavor in addition to a respectable kick.  My mind is now open to the idea that stevia-containing beverages just might not have to suck (my guess is still that most will), and that it’s just one of those things that you have to get just right in order to make it work.

WEBSITE: gofastsports.com

KEYWORDS: Go Fast Lemonade Lime Energy Hybrid review, stronger for longer, sports energy drink, stevia, Stevia rebaudina

Review for Go Fast Berry Energy Hybrid

CAFFEINE CONTENT

162 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

As a general rule, I’ve found Go Fast products pretty hard to track down, and this one is no exception—it seems to have an affinity for obscure locations.  This, of course, will vary depending on where you live, but seems to be the case everywhere I’ve been.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

The presentation really isn’t anything special—diagonal logo, image of mixed berries to one side.  About what you’d expect out of a berry-flavored beverage.

TASTE—5

On it’s own, the berry taste isn’t bad.  It’s a decent blend of sweet and tart with a respectably convincing flavor, so at the very least, it’s not a bad effort.  Things go way south as soon you realize that stevia was involved in the making of the beverage.  If you’ve read my stevia rants before (featured in my reviews for Golazo and both Jamba energy drinks), I apologize for repeating myself, but do so for the benefit of those who have not.  To all who are unfamiliar with it, stevia is a natural sweetener from the plant Stevia rebaudina.  It is marketed as a nautral alternative the multitude of other synthetic sweeteners out there, and, being aglycemic, also holds added appeal to diabetics and hypoglycemics.  It is, however, exceptionally potent, and carries with it a very sharp, ugly aftertaste that many who try it would just as soon forget but just can’t.  It is at best unnecessary, especially in a drink already sweetened with sugar and honey (like this one), and is at worst disfiguring to an otherwise acceptable flavor (as happens here).

KICK (INTENSITY) —7

It’s not as hard-hitting as the original, but still passable if it’s all you’ve got to work with (which, let’s face it, probably won’t happen).  “Average” is a good word to use here.

KICK (DURATION) —8

Though the drink was merely standard in terms of intensity, I found Go Fast Berry Energy Hybrid to be a notch above average in terms of how long it lasted, enough to earn commendation at least in that regard.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.67

Even if I have to admit that the kick’s alright, it’s not by any means worth the flavor.  If you’re not bothered by the stevia, then it might be worth a shot, but as for myself, it’s not an experience I have any intention of repeating.

WEBSITE: gofastsports.com

KEYWORDS: Go Fast Berry Energy Hybrid review, stronger for longer, sports energy drink, stevia, Stevia rebaudina

Review for NOS--Charged Citrus

CAFFEINE CONTENT

260 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—5

This one’s pretty scattered in terms of who carries it.  It can be tracked down, but more time passes between sightings than with most.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

NOS—Charged Citrus has that same familiar layout as all their products (big freaking vertical “NOS” logo), with a pleasing light green to set it apart from the rest.  It might not be the first thing that catches your attention in the energy drink refrigerator, but as bright as it is, it’s still nothing worthy of scorn.

TASTE—8

As the name indicates, the beverage is of the citrus persuasion, but has a homogenized quality that makes it difficult for me to place my finger on what combination of fruits was employed.  If you’ve tasted Mountain Dew, you’ll probably know the flavor—it’s virtually identical to Mountain Dew, though less sweet and with a medicinal aftertaste that you’d expect from a high-caffeine drink.  Even with the aftertaste, it’s a by-and-large pleasant experience.

KICK (INTENSITY) —10

The kick was virtually identical to that of the original NOS—very intense, though not really any jitters to speak of (it's a weird feeling; you'll just have to try it).  Needless to say you could ask for little more out of an energy drink; I can’t think of more than a couple of situations in which it would fall short to any degree (said situations, for the record, all involve anesthesia and prescription painkillers).

KICK (DURATION) —10

Given the punch NOS—Charged Citrus packs, it’s really not surprising that it lasts as long as it does.  Count on not having tiredness issues to any degree for several hours after you’ve finished the can.

THE DRINK OVERALL—9

As you can probably imagine, I liked this drink…I liked the fact that it has such a smooth, agreeable taste, I liked the no-nonsense nature of the kick, I liked just about everything about it.  It’s definitely one of NOS’s better beverage, and well worth any energy drinker’s consideration.

WEBSITE: drinknos.com

KEYWORDS: NOS Charged Citrus Energy Drink review, high performance, green can