Review for Reed's Natural Energy Elixir

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Not certain, though I’m fairly confident it’s rather low—all you really get is the caffeine from the green tea extract.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

This, like TwinLab Energy Fuel, is the consequence of my checking out the refrigerator section at a local health food store.  If you have one of those nearby, you might be able to find this there; otherwise you’re probably out of luck.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Even if it doesn’t grab and hold your attention the way some energy drinks do, I consider the packaging appropriate, given the fact that this is more of a health supplement than a traditional energy drink.  Overlaying the purple Hawaiian floral motif you have the name of the drink surrounding/cutting through the image of a volcano (a source, I suppose, of “natural energy”), then a list of ingredients incorporated into the drink’s formula.

TASTE—7

This one tastes…interesting.  That is probably as appropriate an adjective as I’ll ever be able to attribute to this drink.  Initially, the combination of flavors is a bit…unusual for comfort, but as I slowly took down all 10.5 ounces, it began to grow on me.  For the most part, it’s the earthy flavor of the tea extract and the goji berries, followed up by the warmth of the ginger and the heat of the ginseng.  Not going to please everyone—I imagine there will be many who hate it—but in the end, I thought it tasted alright.

KICK (INTENSITY)—2

I wouldn’t have you believe that this drink does nothing—I’ll get into the perceptible effects in a moment—but know that this is not a load-you-with-caffeine-and-wake-you-right-the-freak-up sort of “energy drink.”  The blurb on the side of the can makes this clear, stating something to the effect that this is more of a long-term deal, meant to stimulate the metabolism and give you greater energy in the long run.  As such, the effects were extremely subtle.  When I drank this, I was pretty tired after my morning run, and honestly feeling a bit wrung-out from the rushed pace of the previous week.  I took it down, the drink did absolutely nothing to alleviate my fatigue, but it did eliminate from it the wrung-out quality, at least for a time.  Anyway, pretty bad if we’re rating it as an energy drink, but as a health beverage, I could appreciate the effects.

KICK (DURATION)—2

Very short-lived—probably a half hour, 45 minutes passed before I was back to where I was.

THE DRINK OVERALL—3.67

So, if we’re rating this as an energy drink, Reed’s Natural Energy Elixir tanks, and is definitely not something I’d count on for a serious (or really perceptible) boost.  But then again, it’s not really meant to be an energy drink in the same way Monster, Rockstar, etc. are energy drinks, so take my final score for what it’s worth.

WEBSITE: reedsinc.com/energy

KEYWORDS: Reed’s Natural Energy Elixir review, healthy energy

Review for Red Bull Total Zero

It’s been a good couple of weeks for energy drink hunting—within a 14-day period, Monster Rehab—Orangeade, Übermonster, and Red Bull Total Zero all show up at my local grocery store!  Anyway, with the first two reviewed, it’s time for me to review all three sizes (they’re not doing this beverage in the 20 oz. size, apparently) of the much-anticipated Red Bull Total Zero—which differs from Red Bull Sugar Free, from what I understand, only in the fact that the sweetener blend in this newer beverage includes sucralose in addition to Ace K and Aspartame.  Let’s see how it performs….

CAFFEINE CONTENT

80 mg/8.4 oz. can

114 mg/12 oz. can

154 mg/16 oz. can

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

I don’t think I even need to comment here.  If you can’t find it yet, you’ll be able to soon.  It’ll be everywhere.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

The strength in Red Bull’s motif is in the fact that it needs to say very little to say everything that needs saying—that this is the original energy drink, that this is the drink almost everyone tries to duplicate, and that this is the drink that every energy drink company that’s ever been established since has to compete with.  Red Bull products exude confidence, and the new Total Zero, clad in dark grey, is no exception.

TASTE—7

So here’s the big question—how does the new drink taste?  Well, as I mentioned, the only difference between Total Zero and Sugar Free is the fact that the sweetener blend in Total Zero includes sucralose.  Popping my first can and taking a sip, I notice immediately that the flavor is stronger and less watered down than Sugar Free.  Having previous experience with Red Bull, I knew I was going to be getting an aftertaste soon enough, and to be sure, it came on as soon as the actual taste fades.  Rather than compounding the bitterness of the original, as did Sugar Free, the added sucralose kind of blends the two, such that they kind of drown each other out.  So in the end, you have a product that tastes like the original, only slightly less muted, and an aftertaste that’s similarly distracting and distinct from that of the original.

8.4 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

Here’s where I’m going to be struggling to find something to write, because in terms of kick, Total Zero is like all the rest.  The 8.4 oz. can here delivers a decent boost, at least enough to clear out the cobwebs and leave you feeling slightly alert.

KICK (DURATION)—6

Drinking the 8.4 oz. can will give you about 2 hours of energy, after which it will have worn off without a crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.33

If a slight boost is all you need, and if you like Red Bull but don’t like Red Bull Sugar Free, then I think it’s safe to say that an 8.4 oz. Red Bull Total Zero might be up your alley.

12 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—6.5

I didn’t find the 12 oz. can to be all that more potent than the 8.4 oz. can—even though you are getting more caffeine, it’s only enough to make a slight difference—just enough that you feel a little more alert.

KICK (DURATION)—6.5

Equally hard to distinguish from the 8.4 oz can—you get somewhere over 2 hours, but less than 2½.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.67

The 12 oz. can is kind of in energy drink limbo—you’d probably wind up paying almost a dollar more than the 8.4 oz. can for a drink that’s only slightly more powerful.  Read on.

16 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

I actually found the 16 oz. Total Zero to be more potent than the 16 oz. Red Bull and 16 oz. Red Bull Sugar Free.  Not sure how that works, but in any case, it’s enough to get you alert, jittery, and yes, make you feel like you have wings.

KICK (DURATION)—8

The 16 oz. Total Zero will deliver about 3½ hours of energy before wearing off, leaving you feeling tired again but not as though you’ve crashed.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.67

So…when it comes to kick, the moral with Total Zero is “go big or go home.”   The smaller sizes offer only a moderate buzz, and more often than not, I need more than that to really be functional.  Now, rating the 16 oz. Red Bull Total Zero overall, I’d say it’s a satisfactory, if spendy, energy drink experience.  It offers a taste that will please hardened Red Bull lovers, and is quite a bit more palpable than Sugar Free.  If I were the CEO of Red Bull, I’d probably just discontinue Red Bull Sugar Free and push Total Zero.

WEBSITE: redbullusa.com

KEYWORDS: Red Bull Total Zero energy drink review, Red Bull Total Zero 8.4 oz. can review, Red Bull Total Zero 12 oz. can review, Red Bull Total Zero 16 oz. can review, 8.4 ounces, 12 ounces, 16 ounces, zero calories, zero sugar, zero carbs

Review for Übermonster

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Best guess is about 169 mg, if the caffeine content per ounce is the same as a regular Monster.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

The Monster Energy Company has traditionally been a little inconsistent with pushing  their new products.  With some, they arrive virtually everywhere overnight (i.e. Absolutely Zero, Rehab—Lemonade), and with others, it takes them a while to creep into commonality (i.e. every other beverage of the Rehab line that isn’t Lemonade).  Übermonster is one of the latter, and you can expect it to be on the hard-to-find side of things, at least for a while.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—10

I have gone crazy over the packaging of many Monster products—Heavy Metal, Import, Rehab—Orangade…but none of these compare with what Übermonster comes in.  I mean, look at the pic…do I need to say anything?  Look at that satin label, with the highly detailed griffins, the black gold, the wide-mouth green bottle—I’ve said this before, but this drink sets a standard when it comes to packaging, and other energy drinks are going to have to step up if they ever hope to be noticed in the same refrigerator as Übermonster.  My only complaint is the lid—I hate pry-off lids.  But since I love the rest of the bottle so much, I’m not going to say anything beyond that.

TASTE—10

With most reviews I’ve read, little information is given beyond the fact that this stuff tastes, more or less, like the original.  Well, I don’t know about everyone else, I wasn’t really expecting anything new—just a different take on the same flavor that Monster’s so loved for doing.  Turns out that this is the case—the flavor is classic Monster, but there are a few differences that I really appreciated.  First of all, it’s a bit sweeter, but it’s not really a sugary sweetness—even though it’s sweeter, it is far smoother than the original.  In addition, you get a small degree of effervescence lingering in your mouth once the initial fizz wears off, which I found to be appealing.  When it comes down to the flavor, I’d put it on par with Import.  Very enjoyable. 

KICK (INTENSITY)—9

So Übermonster lives up to the hype when it comes to taste and packaging, but how does this “bio-activated” energy technology we’ve all read about and looked forward to hold up?  Well, having drank it twice now, I have come to the following conclusions: 1) it is stronger, 2) it lasts longer, and 3) you don’t experience nearly as much of a crash when it isn’t your second energy drink of the day and you aren’t completely caffeinated out by the time you drink it.  Speaking now about my second (and I believe more representative) experience, about five minutes had passed after I drank the bottle before I became infused with a very healthy degree of energy, and another five passed before I found myself buzzing all over the clinic where I worked.  No shelf of pet food was too difficult to move, no canine too difficult to hold so as to allow the doctor to check his ears, no cat so feral that I couldn’t get it boxed up for its spay.  Yes, Übermonster is a potent beverage that delivers a very enabling kick, and I’d say it met expectations quite nicely.

KICK (DURATION)—10

I’d gauge Übermonster’s longevity as being somewhere between 5½ and 6 hours—and, as I mentioned, no crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—9.67

So…how does Monster’s new, über-hyped drink hold up to scrutiny?  Well, putting it simply, I quite liked it.  I appreciated the new take on the original flavor, I appreciated the intensity of the kick, and I loved how long-lived it was.  Given the fact that it’s pretty pricy (I forked out $4.25 for the bottle), I don’t think it’ll be a beverage I revisit with frequency, but for the occasional hankering for a Monster, I think it’ll do nicely.

WEBSITE: monsterenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Übermonster energy drink review, green bottle, traditional energy drink flavor, bio-activated energy, energy brew

Review for Wired Berry

CAFFEINE CONTENT

94 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

About as common as the original.  Can be found fairly easily if you know where to look, otherwise…gets to be a bit challenging.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

I think this is the first time I haven’t been enthralled, or at least have been critical, of an energy drink packaged in purple.  See, purple has an almost limitless potential to make things look cool—see what it does for the likes of NOS Grape, Monster Energy—Mixxd and Rockstar Juiced—Guava.  The difference between these and Wired Berry is the fact that the purple really has nothing to work with on the latter—I’ve always considered the Wired motif to look a bit cheesy, and there’s very little the purple can do to help it.

TASTE—6

Don’t look for anything recognizably berry in Wired Berry—just expect a vague, fake flavor that may pass to some palates as being berry flavored.  So far, I’m not impressed….

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Wired Berry does’t get any less ordinary when it comes to kick—it’s an average boost, the same kind you can get out of hosts of others.  In the interest of being descriptive, I’ll describe it as being an appreciable increase in alertness without any jitters.

KICK (DURATION)—7

Passable, if unremarkable.  2½ hours passed before it became apparent that the caffeine had worn off.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.67

When it comes right down to it, Wired Berry is pretty dang ordinary.  If this sort of description does not turn you off, then by all means go ahead and buy a can.  Unfortunately, I experienced nothing drinking it that’s going to have me coming back for more.

WEBSITE: wiredenergydrink.com

KEYWORDS: Wired Berry energy drink review, bargain energy drink, fake berry flavor

Review for Wired Sugar Free

CAFFEINE CONTENT

94 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

Less common than some Wired products, which is unusual, considering it’s the sugar free version of the original—which is also harder to find than most.  All I can tell you is that if you’re near a WinCo store, you can find it there.  Otherwise…good luck.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

Not often that I see silver and white favor an energy drink’s appearance, but in this case, it does.  Don’t ask me how; I still can’t quite place my finger on why—the silver flames, white background, and red font somehow look nice together.   Maybe because it reminds me of peppermint….

TASTE—9

I didn’t plan on enjoying Wired Sugar Free as much as I did—the original was just a Red Bull clone, and even though I do like the flavor, I wasn’t jumping out of my seat for joy as I drank it.  The diet version here is nice, though—well balanced in terms of the complex combinations of flavors that make up the traditional energy drink flavor, with a blend of artificial sweeteners that actually manages to bring out said balance and make the drink a smooth experience.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Not bad—just average.  A healthy degree of alertness is about all you get, which under some circumstances, I can appreciate.

KICK (DURATION)—7

Wired Sugar Free delivered about 2½ hours of efficacy—which is not shoddy, but not exactly spectacular, either.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.67

In terms of taste, I quite enjoyed Wired Sugar Free, and actually ranks pretty high when compared to the majority of Red Bull clones.  Kick, however, is more standard, which I almost expect given the caffeine content.  I don’t know how I’d feel about the flavor after drinking two cans, but that’s just might be what needs to happen if you find yourself in a high energy-requiring situation and you select Wired Sugar Free as your beverage of choice.

WEBSITE: wiredenergydrink.com

KEYWORDS: Wired Sugar Free energy drink review, Wired Diet energy drink review, sugar free, zero sugar, zero carbs, zero calories, Red Bull clone, traditional energy drink flavor

Review for TwinLab Energy Fuel

CAFFEINE CONTENT

No clue.  My guess is 70-80 mg.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

I found TwinLab Energy Fuel at a health food/herb store in Twin Falls—not one of my usual haunts, but upon entering the store to buy some turkey rhubarb as a birthday gift (long story), I decided to peek in the refrigerators on a whim, and Lo!  Therein were a couple of “healthy” takes on energy drinks, including this one.  Not sure what about it earns it a spot in a health food store refrigerator, but keep an eye on such locations if you’re actively trying to find it.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

After a bit of a war with myself over my feelings for the can, I’ve decided that I like it.  Even though the leaping white figures aren’t really necessary, and the design is fairly simple, I like that it doesn’t really pitch itself as standard soda-style energy drink fare, but rather as a bona fide health supplement, created with the science in mind more than anything else.  That aside, I like the combination of purple and orange in the background, something you can’t see with the image I’ve provided—you have to roll the can over in your hands to get the full picture.

TASTE—5

The can designates the drink’s flavor as “carbonated fruit splash”—so I really had no idea what to expect, except that it would be fruity.  I took a sip, and…it’s a bomb.  It’s got a fruit flavor, but it’s singularly muted and ambiguous—half the time I’m not even sure that I’m tasting it at all, much less able to identify it.  Finished it without any trouble, but it was like drinking water when you’re not really thirsty—really hard to enjoy it, no matter what you do.

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

At first, I could say that I was impressed with the energy boost I got as a reward for drinking the entire can.  I can’t really say I was wired, but I did get a pretty nice degree of alertness out of it—akin to what I experienced after drinking a 10 oz. bottle of Bawls.

KICK (DURATION)—5

That nice little boost didn’t last long—maybe 30 minutes before I was stuck with a more mediocre energy state.  It held the real fatigue off for maybe another hour after the fact, and then I was through.

THE DRINK OVERALL—5.33

I really can’t recommend this drink…health food store grade or not.  It seems to have been made by people who, not really understanding what an experience healthy eating can be (yeah, I know that’s hypocritical coming from an energy drink addict), resigned themselves to eating like guinea pigs, choking whatever it is they eat down no matter how nasty or bland it is on the grounds that it’s good for them.  Sure, the boost was okay while it lasted, but it didn’t last long enough to make up for the mediocrity of the flavor.  You will not miss anything by passing it over, which is the course of action I recommend.

WEBSITE: twinlab.com

KEYWORDS: TwinLab Energy Fuel energy drink review, health energy drink, health food store energy drink, healthy energy?

Review for Green Dragon Sugar Free

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Not sure.  Best guess is 80 mg—it would certainly make sense, given the trends with these 8.4 oz. cans.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

So far as I’m aware, these are only available at WinCo stores.  Good news if you live near a WinCo, less so if you live out east.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

In a rare contrast with what normally occurs with the packaging of sugar free/low carb/etc. drinks, the sugar free version of Green Dragon far outshines the original.  Aluminum has been replaced with white, and blue with a pale green of sorts.  The dragon’s pretty cheesy, but the white and pale green actually do work nicely together.

TASTE—8

Given my experience with Green Dragon, I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into when I opened Green Dragon Sugar Free—another shoddy Red Bull clone.  Pouring it out into my Energy Glass, it has the exact color of Red Bull—that dark yellow that makes you wonder what they were thinking about when settling on the dyes for the drink.  Taking a sip, I was caught off guard.  This isn’t some crappy Red Bull imitator, the likes of which inundates the energy drink market—this is a bona fide clone, and even an improvement, unless I’m mistaken.  The flavor profile is exactly the same as the original Red Bull (yes, sugared version), but lacks the bitter aftertaste of said drink.  I’ve drank several beverages that make a stab at duplicating the flavor, and just about all of them have fallen short.  Green Dragon Sugar Free is the drink Red Bull fans have been waiting for—something just like their iconic energy beverage, only vastly less expensive (78 cents/can compared with Red Bull’s $1.98/8.4 oz. can).  Only complaint I have with the flavor is a faint artificial sweetener aftertaste that sticks around a while once you’ve finished the drink.  Nothing a piece of gum won’t fix, but still enough to be worthy of note.

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

Given the size of the can, I anticipated a pretty tame kick, and that’s exactly what I got—a minor pick-me-up that helped me get past the cobwebs filling my head after my nap, but not enough that I’d trust a single can to get me through a tough work day or when I’m in danger of falling asleep at the wheel.

KICK (DURATION)—6

I have trouble placing my finger on exactly how long this beverage lasted; I’d guess about two hours or so.  In any case, it was a crash-free experience.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.67

In order to have real energizing effects one will probably have to take down more than one can, but as far as Red Bull substitutes are concerned, this one is second to none.  It came from a singularly unexpected source, but I’ve found it—the drink I’ll recommend to Red Bull lovers who don’t feel like getting screwed every time they buy a case/can.  Oh, one thing I almost forgot to mention—had this drink on the rocks when I drank it, which in my experience does make a difference as far as flavor’s concerned.  I’ll have to try it straight out of the can to see if I get the same experience that way, but until then, pouring out the can into some ice seems to be a pretty minor inconvenience in light of how much you’ll be saving by switching.

WEBSITE: None found.  I’m guessing this a WinCo stores brand, as is HyTop.

KEYWORDS: Green Dragon Sugar Free energy drink review, zero calories, zero sugar, zero carbs, Red Bull clone, Red Bull flavor, bargain energy drink

Review for Rip It--Fruit Bomb Sugar Free

CAFFEINE CONTENT

200 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

Got a dollar store nearby?  Chances are Rip It—Fruit Bomb Sugar Free can be found there.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5.5

Bland.  I’m not even going to go into detail on this one—check the pic if further clarification is needed!

TASTE—6.5

Like the original, only a bit more palpable without the sugar.  Still not by any means a favorite.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

Decent—at least a full wake-up may be anticipated.

KICK (DURATION)—8

3½ hours, give or take 15 minutes.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.5

Over the course of my reviewing Rip It energy drinks, I’ve made no secret my general distaste for them.  I am glad that this is the last available nearby, because if I had to drink another, I’d probably scream.  Rip It—Fruit Bomb Sugar Free is what just about every single freaking drink in the line is—just another cheap means of getting a caffeine fix.  There are fuller, richer energy experiences out there—enough that you can safely pass over Fruit Bomb Sugar Free (or any beverage of the Rip It line, for that matter).

WEBSITE: ripitenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Rip It Fruit Bomb Sugar Free energy drink review, Rip It F Bomb Sugar Free energy drink review, zero carbs, zero sugar, zero calories, bargain energy drink

Review for Rip It--Fruit Bomb

CAFFEINE CONTENT

200 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

Carried by just about any dollar store.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

“Excellent packaging” generally is not something that comes to mind when I think of Rip It energy drinks.  That said, they do a better job with Fruit Bomb than they do the rest—the blue and orange background is far more vivid than that present on most Rip It drinks, though the faded grey-and-orange sunburst-ish thing in the foreground is a really curious (not in a good way) choice.

TASTE—6

I remember quite vividly the late morning I drank Fruit Bomb.  I had just gotten done with a ton of yard work…I was tired, I was sore, I was entirely unprepared for the energy requirements of the rest of the day.  If I were smart, I would have gone out and bought myself a Monster Rehab—Rojo Tea…but I wasn’t, and I just stuck with the sugar-laden, chemical-flavored fruit punch drink I had on hand.  Ick.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

It worked—though I still felt pretty worn out from the yard work, I didn’t have much trouble getting up and getting started on the rest of the day.

KICK (DURATION)—8

Nothing special, really—3½ hours of energy before the end rolled around.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.33

As with the rest of the Rip It line, the only reason you should consider Fruit Bomb is if 1) you want really cheap energy, and 2) you actually don’t care what your drink tastes like.  This is the textbook definition of an unremarkable energy drink.  But, if you don’t care all that much about what you’re drinking, then you’ll probably go through with your plans to drink it/keep drinking it anyway.

WEBSITE: ripitenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Rip It Fruit Bomb energy drink review, Rip It F Bomb energy drink review

Review for NX--Hot Fuel

CAFFEINE CONTENT

240 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

By and large uncommon, though diligent searches should not prove unfruitful.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

The frenzied red image with the motorcycle will probably appeal to the racing crowd that this drink is aimed towards, but truth be told, I’m not really diggin’ the red with white of the bottle.  It’s a little Tim Burton/Twilight-ish for my tastes, and neither of these are really things I want to be thinking about as I’m drinking an energy drink.

TASTE—6

Wasn’t really sure what to expect when I popped open Hot Fuel—on one hand it was kind of disappointing to get the run-of-the-mill fruit punch scent, but on the other, it was quite a relief to have opened an NX beverage that was not rank with the smell of decay.  Pouring it out into a glass with some ice, I discovered that the beverage was an ungodly shade of pale yellow tinged with red—something that reminded me of a combination of body fluids that I will not mention in this review, and proved to be singularly unappetizing to look upon.  Taking a drink, I was hit with a combination of cheap fruit punch and the original NX flavor—which, without the rot smell, wasn’t all that bad, but still nothing really special.

KICK (INTENSITY)—9

Wasn’t really drinking this to get wired—it was a last resort to take care of a throbbing headache—but I definitely was wired after drinking it.  I’d describe the effects as intermediate to Speed Freak and Lean & Mean—less smooth than the latter, smoother than the former.  Oh, and the headache did go away.  Just in case you were wondering.

KICK (DURATION)—9

Hot fuel gave me about 4 hours of energy, after which the quercetin did its job and delivered the company’s promise of a crash-free experience.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8

Kick’s nice, but nothing I couldn’t get elsewhere; and the taste is really nothing I’m all that impressed with.  In the future, I’ll be passing NX—Hot Fuel over, as with the rest of the NX line.

WEBSITE: nxenergy.com

KEYWORDS: NX Hot Fuel energy drink review, Nitrous Express, crashproof energy, quercetin

Review for NX--Lean & Mean

CAFFEINE CONTENT

240 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

Available, but by and large uncommon.  Acquisition will require patience.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

I like Lean & Mean’s look more than Speed Freak, the latter of which is a sugared version of the former.  Lean & Mean has the same chaotic, racing-inspired, though with silver and blue as the primary colors of the pallet.  The overall effect of the color change is a cleaner look, and perhaps more appropriate (the black and white of Speed Freak always made me think about vampires, Goths, etc.)

TASTE—3

Anyone who loved Speed Freak but wants to watch their waistline will love Lean & Mean, as they taste exactly the same.  In this Lean & Mean is to be commended, however, it presents a problem for me as a reviewer, as I hated the way Speed Freak tasted.  The problem with Speed Freak is the problem with Lean & Mean—it smells like decaying fruit, and the smell hits you every time you take a drink.  So whether or not the drink actually tasted decent, I will never know, as my stomach did back flips every time I lifted the bottle to take a swig.

KICK (INTENSITY)—9

One thing I have to say that I enjoyed about Lean & Mean is the kick—it’s a cleaner, less ragged kick than that delivered by Speed Freak.  Not to say Speed Freak was a failure in this respect, because it wasn’t—Lean & Mean was just a smoother, though equally intense, experience.  It was enough for me to lament that I found the drink so difficult to take down, because otherwise, this is something I’d love to experience again.

KICK (DURATION)—9

About the same as Speed Freak—4 hours or so before the end.  Only distinction I experienced was the fact that the—how would I say this—final descent was even smoother than that provided by Speed Freak, and I felt even less like I’d crashed than I did after Speed Freak.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7

While the kick is certainly commendable, I will definitely be seeking it elsewhere.  In a word, Lean & Mean was gross—I should not have to put up with the smell of rot every time I drink a particular beverage.  If, however, you found that Speed Freak did not affect you as it did me, then by all means, go with NX—Lean & Mean, which gives you everything Speed Freak does, except smoother and without the calories!

WEBSITE: nxenergy.com

KEYWORDS: NX Lean & Mean energy drink review, Nitrous Express, mango flavor, white bottle, motorcycle, sugar free, zero calories, zero carbs, quercetin

Review for Monster Rehab--Orangeade

CAFFEINE CONTENT

170 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

Still emerging, so for the time being somewhat uncommon.  Will update as time goes on….

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—10

Would love to be able to find a better word for it, but…can’t.  The can is b*tchin’.  It doesn’t really make me think of orangeade (maybe it would be more appropriate if it had been blood orangeade?), but who cares?  The orange colors in the background gives the impression of smoldering embers, which, coupled with the black M in the foreground and the black can, make this one of the most effective Monster Energy packagings to date.

TASTE—10

With the exception of Protean, which, let’s face it, is just bizarre, all members of the Rehab line have proved themselves to be tasty and refreshing.  The new Orangeade continues in the footsteps of Lemonade, Green Tea, and Rojo Tea in that respect—the drink has a convincing orange flavor and is not at all chemical-y, is well complemented by the earthiness of the black tea extract, is well balanced in terms of the strength of both flavors, and is enormously pleasant.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

This is just like the other Rehab drinks—strong, but not supremely potent.  I drank this to give me boost enough to make it through the rest of the day, and it did just that, but the quality of it strikes me as more of a recovery drink—a drink for the post energy-requiring event rather than pre energy-requiring event, if you will.

KICK (DURATION)—9

None too shabby—4 hours or so passed before I felt that this one had worn off.  No crash to report.

THE DRINK OVERALL—9

Monster’s got another winner on their hands with Monster Rehab—Orangeade.  I’d elaborate further, but it sufficeth me to say that this is just an awesome all-around energy drink, and a splendid for its rehab purposes.  Fans of the rest of the line or fans of energy drinks in general will certainly find something appealing in this one.

WEBSITE: monsterenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Monster Rehab Orangeade energy drink review, 10 calories per can, 20 calories per serving, low carb, refreshing, hydration

Review for Fuel Sugar Free

CAFFEINE CONTENT

240 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—1

Quite scarce.  If you’re looking to get your hands on one, check everywhere, with an emphasis on stores like Big Lots.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Before I say anything else—I really like the size and shape of the bottle.  It fit very comfortably in my hand, and the wide mouth was perfect for any speed of drinking.  Now my tiffs—it’s a thin-walled bottle, and I prefer the thick aluminum bottles such as those of the Venom line.  Second, it looks pretty unexciting, adorned by lots of bare aluminum, a vertical logo (chrome pipe look is alright), and stylized flames.  Functionally a success, aesthetically pretty lackluster.

TASTE—7

With drinks put out by these smaller companies, absent (as is the case here) or vague flavor names typically means I’m about to pop open a Red Bull clone.  I assumed that such was the case here—but I was WRONG!  And I love being wrong when it comes to that, because I get so tired of the Red Bull clones!  Anyway, it’s a red berry flavor, more raspberry-ish than anything else.  The artificial sweeteners were strong and kind of distracted me from what could have been a pretty delicious experience, but otherwise, I didn’t really have a problem.

KICK (INTENSITY)—9

Fuel Sugar Free was plenty intense—the initial wake-up came quick (three minutes or so), and pretty soon (15 minutes) I was going a mile a minute getting all my housework done in a very timely fashion.  As far as quality was concerned, it was a pretty smooth kick—didn’t feel really jittery or blathery, but was unmistakably awake and very alert—in a word, I would say I was functional.

KICK (DURATION)—9

4 hours, give or take.  No crash, either.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8.67

So, for only 60 cents, this was not a bad energy drink at all.  If you can find it, I’d certainly encourage buying at least one bottle, if only to give it a shot.

WEBSITE: uspremiumbrands.com

KEYWORDS: Fuel Sugar Free energy drink review, zero sugar, zero carbs, zero calories, diet, aluminum bottle