Thursday, November 29, 2012

Review for PowerBar Energy Blasts--Strawberry Banana

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CAFFEINE CONTENT

40 mg/package

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

Far less common than the iconic bars themselves, but still sold most everywhere PowerBar products are sold.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Don’t have a lot to say here—looks just like every other PowerBar product.  Does it work, if we’re evaluating it as a workout supplement?  Yes.  Is it anything really worthy of note?  Not particularly.

TASTE—8

I was a little apprehensive going into this—when I think of gummy things of this sort, I think of the overly sweet, fake-tasting worms and what not that I would get my son at WinCo, which have long since ceased to appeal to my adult palate.  I am, then, somewhat surprised to report that they’re not half bad.  They do have some issues—I was kind of bothered by the texture of the opaque half, and as I was getting towards the end of the bag I did start to feel as though I would soon have enough—but the banana exterior and strawberry interior (which you really have to chew your way towards if you’re hoping to taste it) are pleasant enough that I wouldn’t really have a problem eating them again.

KICK (INTENSITY)—1

Problem is, in terms of energy (at least so far as I define it), these basically deliver nothing.  I’m sure if I had tried these before going to the gym or engaging in some sort of other vigorous activity, I might have noticed reduced muscle fatigue, etc (the 2:1 glucose/fructose ratio is supposed to be excellent for energy delivery to muscle tissue). from the other ingredients, but if you’re looking for a workout supplement/caffeine buzz, you’re fairly well out of luck.

KICK (DURATION)—1

Nothing to say here.

THE PRODUCT OVERALL—3.33

These probably work just fine in their appointed niche, but I’m reviewing these as a caffeine junkie, and as such I found these lacking.  If you’ve found otherwise, by all means let me know.

WEBSITE: powerbar.com

KEYWORDS: PowerBar Energy Blasts review, strawberry banana, glucose, fructose, etc.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Review for Rip It Shot--G-Force


CAFFEINE CONTENT

Unlike Code Blue with its 100 mg, this is an extra strength Rip It shot—so it gets 120 mg!  Woo!

EASE IN ACQUISITION—8

Easy as hitting up the local dollar store.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

Even the purple can’t do much with what Rip It gives it—looks just like every other product made especially for dollar store shelves.

TASTE—4

Another grape Triaminic shot.  Add some phenylephrine hydrochloride and you’d be all set.

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

This is one of the stranger energy experiences I’ve had—took it down about a half hour before my calculus class, then just…forgot about it.  Did my homework, went about my business, and as I was getting settled in the classroom I noticed something strange—I wasn’t dragging.  I pondered the fact for a minute, and thought, “Oh, yeah!  I drank that Rip It shot before coming here!”  Needless to say, it’s not the most dramatic boost of energy in the world, but…at least it got the job done.

KICK (DURATION)—6

Worked about two and a half hours, ending without a crash.

THE SHOT OVERALL—5.33

Might have gotten the job done, but…still nothing that worthy of note.  And you may be getting tired of this by now, but…Eternal Energy shots are better.  Same taste (not very good in my book, but whatever rubs your Buddha…), good energy.  Only 88 cents at Wal-Mart (vs. $1.06 for this at Dollar Tree).  Go with one of those.

WEBSITE: ripitenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Rip It Shot G-Force review, extra strength, zero carbs, zero calorie, zero sugar, diet

Monday, November 26, 2012

Review for EX Slim Energy

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CAFFEINE CONTENT

79 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—1

Typically found in the company of its less-diet counterpart.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

Just as bad as the original—only difference is that rather than having the image of a guy who looks like someone has hurled the colors of the German flag all over his face, you have the image of a guy who looks like someone has hurled pastels all over his face.  Either way, you're got a can that looks like it has a vomit-soaked face on it—and where on earth is the appeal in that?

TASTE—3

Maybe a bit smoother than the original, but honestly, that doesn’t make much of a difference at all.  It’s still got the same acerbic, earthy mess of a flavor that killed the original.

KICK (INTENSITY)—5

No different from the original—still fairly ineffective.

KICK (DURATION)—6

What meager effects the drink delivered lasted a whole two hours before running dry.

THE DRINK OVERALL—4.67

EX Slim Energy delivers the same type of bad as the original, just with less calories—and that is not enough of an incentive to get me to drink it again.

WEBSITE: exdrinks.com

KEYWORDS: EX Slim Energy energy drink review, 5 g carbohydrates per can, 20 calories per can

Review for EX Pure Energy


CAFFEINE CONTENT

79 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—1

Found this at the local grocery outlet for 30 cents, and like others of the kind, I haven’t seen it before or since.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

…I don’t get it.  This thing is a mess—I’m guessing it’s supposed to be EXTREME or something like that, but it just doesn’t work—looks more like someone swallowed a couple of different colors of paint, then yaked on the guy on the can—who looks, incidentally, disgusted at the fact.  Making matters worse is the fact that this has nothing to do with the whole “natural energy” EX boasts about on the can.  Bottom line—design’s a flop.

TASTE—3

You know, it took me forever to decide what I thought of this, and in the end, I think I really hate it.  It’s really sour and earthy—which normally I like, but the problem is it’s these things in all the wrong ways, so it tastes more or less like I’m drinking tonic water (that might be the kombucha extract, whatever that happens to be).  A bit more tweaking and this could have been a very well-executed drink, but in the end, it’s just an unpleasant experience.

KICK (INTENSITY)—5

EX Pure Energy kicks enough to notice, but not really substantial enough to be considered especially useful.

KICK (DURATION)—6

Two hours efficacy, no crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—4.67

All natural or not, EX Pure Energy is a dud.  Unless you want to buy three or so (which you could do, and still not spend an entire dollar), you’re unlikely to get a substantial boost, but downing a whole 25 ounces of this stuff would be a serious chore, and not worth the energy.  This is just another one you should pass over.

WEBSITE: exdrinks.com

KEYWORDS: EX Pure Energy energy drink review, all natural

Review for Rip It Shot--Code Blue


It seems somewhat ironic that after my last review, in which I noted that I had actually enjoyed reviewing the energy shot in question, that I should choose Rip It Shot—Code Blue as my next shot review and have the experience that I did.

Unlike others, I am not in any way, shape, or form a fan of Rip It energy products.  To me, they’re just dollar-store products—inexpensive and painfully mediocre in quality.  Shouldn’t come as a surprise, then, that Code Blue left me feeling distinctly underwhelmed.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

100 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—8

Check any freaking dollar store nearby and you’re bound to come across it there.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—3

Excellent, if you define excellence as blending in with the other crappy dollar store products.

TASTE—5

Tastes about what an Otter Pop would taste like if they came in a ‘5 Hour Energy flavor’.  On one hand, it’s got the berry sweetness of an Otter Pop, but on the other, it’s pretty acrid and sour.

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

Intense enough to keep me from falling asleep, but other than that and perhaps an increased propensity to rock in my Lazy Boy, that was about as dramatic a manifestation as I got.

KICK (DURATION)—6

Two and a half hours, no crash—just a gradual returning of fatigue

THE SHOT OVERALL—5.67

Not worth the time or money by a long shot.  If you really like berry energy shots, just buy an Eternal Energy—Berry shot, because it’ll actually give you energy.

WEBSITE: ripitenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Rip It Shot Code Blue energy shot review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet

Review for Strut & Rut


CAFFEINE CONTENT

100 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—3

Found it at a gas station in Twin Falls.  I imagine this is the sort of thing that’d be big in these mid-size Idaho towns, so if you live anywhere near such a place, that might be a good place to check.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

In terms of looks, this is basically just country décor made into an energy shot.  It’s got the colors, the hunting and wildlife themes, the shape of a shotgun shell…the effect is so complete that even the subtle vertical lines in the background accentuate the effect.  Now, if you know anything about country décor, you know that you can get one of two results—either it can look devastatingly tacky and trailer park-appropriate, or it can look homey and tasteful.  Same thing apparently carries over to energy shots, because when I look at this, I think of how appropriate it would be to find in the cupboard of a well-kept country home, perhaps alongside some harvest-theme coffee mugs (how’s that for looking into something?).

TASTE—7

You know, I have to say that I actually enjoyed this shot.  Mind you, I have a long way to go before I find a shot that I enjoy as much as Rockstar Zero Carb or Venom Energy—Black Mamba or Monster Energy—Heavy Metal, but this is good enough that I can actually see myself intentionally trying it again at some point.  In terms of flavor, this is light years better than any other pomegranate shot I’ve had—there’s no fakeness or chemical harshness to it, just some sweet pomegranate flavor and fruity earthiness (almost akin to cranberries).  It lacks the tartness and intensity that really make me love the actual pomegranate fruit, but like I said—I’d drink it again.  Maybe the second time around, I’d pour it over a little crushed ice, just to see what that did for it….

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

You know, for a mere 100 mg of caffeine, this really ain’t half bad (funny how Microsoft Word still refuses to acknowledge ‘ain’t’ as a word).  It woke me up in a jiffy, and actually had me feeling jittering my way through my studies (while, of course, listening to “Tyranny of Steel” by Iron Savior repeatedly…some energy products just put me in that kind of mood).

KICK (DURATION)—9

The initially intense kick lasted only an hour or so, and thereafter was replaced with something more muted, though it still kept me awake for another three hours.  I do not recall a definitive crash after the fact, but after that time had passed I had a really easy time falling asleep with my daughter in my lap.

THE SHOT OVERALL—8

Like I said, I enjoyed this shot.  The taste was passable by energy product standards, and kick works well enough that I feel pretty safe recommending it (it seems especially appropriate in a crashing-at-the-end-of-the-workday sort of situation).  If you can find it, it’s worth the time and $1.99 to try it out.


KEYWORDS: Strut and Rut energy shot review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Review for Zenergy

For an updated review on this product, please click here.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Review for Mountain Dew--Voltage


For those of you that have noticed the high volume of reviews I’ve been posting over the last couple of days—no, I haven’t been drinking all of these in a short period of time.  I’ve been behind on reviews for quite a while, and over the last couple of days my wife and kids have been out of town (etsy business) and I’ve had lots of time to study and clean.  But you can only study and clean so much, and I’ve been needing to occupy myself somehow, so I’ve been catching up on reviews.  This is the last one before I’m up to speed.

And now, to Mountain Dew—Voltage.  I am reviewing this as an energy drink.  But, unlike Pepsi Max, which I reviewed because I believed it deserved reviewing as an energy drink, I am reviewing this because it asked for it.

What is Mountain Dew—Voltage’s claim to energy drink-dom?  Ginseng.  Yes, they added ginseng to this formula, and many seem to be under the impression that this makes it a more energizing beverage, notwithstanding the fact that 1) ginseng is one of the last ingredients on the list and is probably contained in quantities so minute as to render it useless, and 2) Mountain Dew did not change the caffeine content one bit.

So in the end, you just get regular Dew with a pinch of ginseng and people go nuts. This really annoys me—if you’re going to make people think they’re going to get more out of your drink than they otherwise would, then for crying out loud, put a little effort into it!  It’s got me mad enough that I feel it is my duty as a review to dispel the myths, and declare that Voltage is not any more energizing than the regular.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

55 mg/12 oz. can
91 mg/20 oz. bottle
147 mg/32 oz. bottle

Notice that the caffeine content of Pepsi Max, the high-caffeine variant of the original Pepsi, blows this stuff completely out of the water—which I consider significant since the caffeine content of the original Pepsi is so much less than that of Mountain Dew.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

Everywhere.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Average for a Dew—has the usual quasi-XTREME thing going on that appeals to skaters and anyone into anything that could be considered XTREME…and yes, I’m a bit of a cynic when it comes to the Dew subculture.

TASTE—5

I have a really hard time with the original Dew, just because it is so dang sweet.  I have the same problem with Voltage—and while I know that most products I’ve reviewed are little more than caffeinated sugar water, this stuff actually tastes the part like nothing else I’ve ever had.  I can handle the 12 oz. can alright if it’s on ice (and I think the blue raspberry is a good idea), but by the time I decided it was time to bite the bullet and drink the 32 oz. bottle, I thought I was going to hurl by the time I was finished.  I suppose that drinking the full two-liter monster that this comes in would have resulted in my hospitalization.  Bottom line is that Dew people are going to love it—but I just have a hard time finding any sort of appeal in it.

Incidentally, the reason I didn’t review the two-liter bottle of Pepsi Max or this is because it is just not practical for energy supplementation.  Can you imagine trying to down that much in one sitting? …if you can, then I would surmise that you’re also into skateboarding and posting videos on youtube of XTREME stunts.

12 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—2

Not a boost to speak of.

KICK (DURATION)—2

N/A—was too weak to begin with.

THE DRINK OVERALL—3

If you think you’re going to get a boost out of this size of Dew, you are either 1) 12 (which I don’t have a problem with, so please no nasty 12-year-old ‘I can swear and it makes me look tough’ types of comments on that, please), or 2) kidding yourself.

20 OZ. BOTTLE

KICK (INTENSITY)—6

Perceptible, but weak.  Not enough here to recommend.

KICK (DURATION)—6

Umm…brief next to most beverages.  That’s as much as I can recall.  See how apathetic this drink makes me?

THE DRINK OVERALL—5.67

We’re up to 20 oz. now, which already gives us an alarming amount of sugar with little boost.  At this point, I became so scared of reviewing the 32 oz. bottle that I hardly looked in my closet—I swear that stupid fluorescent blue liquid was watching me every time I did, knowing that one day I would have to pick it up and review it.  I swore I heard it speaking the tongue of Mordor once or twice.

32 OZ. BOTTLE

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Here, you do get a boost—about average on the energy scale.  Couple that, however, with the supremely sluggish feeling you get out of all the HFCS you just took in, and you realize it’s just not worth it.  I swear for a few days after the fact all I did was take psyllium and jog….

KICK (DURATION)—7

Three hours, maybe.  Still…not worth drinking the whole dang thing.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.33

So now we come to the conclusion of this review—this drink isn’t any more worth it than Mountain Dew.  It’s a feeble effort on part of the company, to be sure, and not something I have any plans on going back to or recommending.

WEBSITE: pepsico.com

KEYWORDS: Mountain Dew Voltage review, energy-less, high-fructose corn syrup

Review for Pepsi Max


Yes, I know.  This is not “technically” an energy drink.  But I think it has earned the right to be reviewed as one.  If you are curious as to why, take a look at the caffeine contents—it is pretty apparent what they were going for when they made this stuff (I’ve included the caffeine contents of the corresponding sizes of the original for comparison), and I think they have succeeded.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

69 mg/12 oz. can (vs. 38 mg in the original)
115 mg/20 oz. bottle (vs. 63 mg in the original)
207 mg/32 oz. bottle (vs. 101 mg in the original)

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

You can get it pretty much everywhere—just look in the soda section.  There are so many varieties of Pepsi nowadays (some with truly asinine and nondescriptive names) that it’s easy to overlook Pepsi Max, but if you make it a point to look for it it’s easy to find.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

I don’t feel like I have a lot to say in this section—it looks like the regular Pepsi, except for the big red “MAX” and the blue burst behind the logo.

TASTE—8

For the record, I am not generally a Pepsi guy.  I got back from Guatemala in 2007, and since then it’s really bugged me when things are too sweet—if you’ve read some of my energy drink reviews, you’ve noted that I make it a point to say so when they’re too sweet.  Anyway, I just really couldn’t stand the original Pepsi because it was so freaking sugary, and it’s been a long time since I’ve had anything Pepsi-related.

That out of the way, this is good Pepsi.  It’s had the HFCS replaced by aspertame (so it’s really not healthy despite being low-calorie), which makes it light years less thick and easier on the palate.  I don’t have a clue how Pepsi fans feel about it—but as for myself, I didn’t mind

12 OZ. CAN

KICK (INTENSITY)—5

Drinking a 12 oz. can of Pepsi Max won’t give you what I’d call a tremendous boost—but it is far above average for your run-of-the-mill caffeinated soda.  It’s enough to deliver a bit of a pick-me-up and clear some of the cobwebs out of your head, but not a lot beyond that.

KICK (DURATION)—5

Hour and a half or so.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6

So as far as energy products are concerned, this is a bit below average.  But for a soda—it kicks butt.

20 OZ. BOTTLE

KICK (INTENSITY)—6.5

It wasn’t until I go to this size that I really started to notice marked performance out of Pepsi Max.  Drank this bottle one afternoon I was studying and having trouble focusing—it woke me up and helped me get my organic chemistry done all that more quickly.

KICK (DURATION)—6.5

Two and a half hours or so passed before I felt that the drink had really worn off.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7

For a decent mid-range kick, a 20 oz. bottle of Pepsi Max will do you just fine.

32 OZ. BOTTLE

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

Here’s where things really start to get interesting.  The 32 oz. bottle has 207 mg of caffeine—so about as much as a Full Throttle.  Mind you, the caffeine is much more dilute, but it still delvers quite well in terms of performance.  After drinking all 32 oz. on ice (felt so…American doing that), I really noticed quite a boost.  I was exceptionally alert, productive, and yes, jittery.  And, with zero calories in the bottle, I didn’t feel all that much guilt…but my liver probably wasn’t too happy with it all the same.

KICK (DURATION)—8

Three and a half hours, no crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8

So in the end, I was impressed with the Pepsi Max line overall, most especially this 32 oz. bottle, which delivered an excellent kick.  If you’re into Pepsi and like more of a boost out of your soda than the original gives you, Pepsi Max might be the way to go for you.

WEBSITE: pepsico.com

KEYWORDS: Pepsi Max review, Pepsi energy drink, zero calories, zero sugar, zero carbs, diet

And yes, this marks the 300th product I’ve reviewed; I’m holding off on making note of it until next week, when I’m getting some samples in the mail from a company I’ve had my eye on for a while.  I’ll celebrate then.

Review for Turkey Perky Jerky


CAFFEINE CONTENT

150 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

It’s easy enough for me to find—just a quick trip to Winco and I can leave with as many bags as is economically feasible.  And…if they sell it at Winco, chances are it is sold at a number of locations elsewhere.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—9

I do love how effective the minimalistic look of Turkey Perky Jerky (wow…and I thought just “Perky Jerky” was fun to say) is, my only problem with it is the Turkey on the front—try as you might, it’s just not easy to make a turkey look bad*ss the way they did the bull on Perky Jerky.

Still works pretty well.

TASTE—10

This is head and shoulders above just about any turkey jerky I’ve had—they aren’t kidding when they call it “Ultra Premium”, and a quick scan of the ingredients tells you this was never some cut ‘n dry product.  I have to say I prefer the original better, but only because I’m partial to the texture of dried beef over that of dried turkey.

But…it’s still really freaking good jerky.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Same as Perky Jerky—not a huge boost, but enough to get me (yes, I’m really about to say it) perky and bounce a little bit on my walk to class.

KICK (DURATION)—5

One and a half hours of energy can be anticipated out of all this—which doesn’t make it the longest-lasting product I’ve ever had, but given how insanely good it is, I don’t particularly care.

THE SHOT OVERALL—7.33

You like turkey jerky?  Perky Turkey Jerky is a must-try.  Need a boost that is both delicious and healthy?   Turkey Perky Jerky is a fantastic option.   Don’t fit into any of those categories?  Doesn’t matter.  You still really need to try Turkey Perky Jerky.

WEBSITE: perkyjerky.com

KEYWORDS: Turkey Perky Jerky review, all-natural

Review for Perky Jerky


CAFFEINE CONTENT

150 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

It’s…around.  Not the most common thing in the world, that’s for sure, but chances are it can be acquired from somewhere nearby wherever you happen to live.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—10

I don’t think in a million years I could come up with something half so appropriate to caffeinated jerky as is this bag—just look at it if you doubt me.  It’s fairly minimalistic to be sure, but in the end, it’s the unspoken confidence that the packaging conveys that that makes it so effective—full marks across the board here.

TASTE—10

Beef jerky quality is pretty variable, and you almost never know what you’re going to get—you have just as much a chance of getting what amounts to an MSG headache in a bag as you do something that’s pretty good, and occasionally, you do happen across a premium brand that reminds you why you like beef jerky so much to begin with.

That being said…HOLY FRICK THIS IS GOOD JERKY!

This is the good stuff—the jerky that’s made by people who really know and really care about beef jerky.  I recall reading somewhere that the guy behind this desiccated wonder took years to get it right—for the which I thank him, and affirm that it has payed off.

The organic soy sauce…the brown sugar…the spices…I don’t even know where to begin.  Everything is just so dang good and tastes so high quality.  I don’t even feel comfortable going further than that—go buy a bag.  Try it.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Got a decent little kick out of the bag—enough to really wake me up and even make me a bit jittery.  It felt more like I had downed something with 80 mg of caffeine than the 150 mg I’m told it contains—but that’s okay, because it’s really freakin’ good jerky.

KICK (DURATION)—5

Not especially long-lasting—I figure I got an hour and a half of buzziness out of it before the finish line rolled around, but again, that didn’t bother me in the slightest…and I think by now you know why.

THE SHOT OVERALL—7.33

In terms of performance, Perky Jerky would make for a fantastic mid-late afternoon boost, though it wouldn’t be my first choice for those cross-country drives people try to make on two hours of sleep.  All that aside, it is insanely good jerky, and for the taste alone is worth the $3.50 a pack.

Did I mention how fun it is to say “Perky Jerky?”

WEBSITE: perkyjerky.com

KEYWORDS: Perky Jerky review, all natural

Review for Loop


About once a year and for whatever reason, I’ll go into K-Mart and leave swearing in my wrath that I will never return.  It seems I always manage to forget that K-Mart is about as bad an idea as you can come up with—kind of like a big dollar store, except with worse value products than you’d find at smaller stores.  Somehow, however, I always manage to forget just why I hate it so much and will go in again—this time in search of new energy acquisitions.  Didn’t expect to find anything new, but there between the Rockstars and the Monsters (perhaps keeping them from beating each other up?) I found four K-Mart brand beverages under the name “Loop.”  They look about as bad as Rip It or any other dollar store energy drink, but I’m a reviewer, so naturally I had to buy up a can of each.

And now…it is night.  My organic chemistry test is done, and I’ve got lots of cleaning to do.  I do not need to get to bed early, but I am hoping to keep active tonight.  So what do I do?  Naturally, I try out the first of these—the original Loop.  Let’s see if I wind up cursing K-Mart and everything having to do with it and swearing to never return—at least for another year.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Best guess is 160 to 200 mg.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—8

As common as the undead chain itself—while we’re on the subject of K-Mart, any idea how they’ve managed to stay in business?

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—4

Sorry, back to reviewing the drink.  Can’s pretty lame—double-faced with a bad print of what looks like one of those symmetrical ink things you’re supposed to identify in a visit to a psychologist’s office so they can assess your mental health.  Another low point is the name—what the heck does “Loop” have to do with energy?  There’s not even a lame energy paragraph on the side telling you, among other things, how the drink is the best thing anybody’s come up with since stone tools and why they elected to name it “Loop.”

TASTE—8

Given that this drink doesn’t tell us what the flavors is, what do I expect?  Red Bull clone.  Popping it open and pouring it into a large glass of ice, what do I smell and see?  Red Bull clone.  Tasting it, what do I get?  Red Bull clone, except…different.  It starts off pretty average—closer than most clones to the original’s flavor, except maybe a bit heavier and less clean.  As I drink it, though, this quality disappears and is replaced by…I don’t know, palpability?  Bottom line is it gets better as you go through it.  If you’re a Red Bull lover and are trying to find a less pricy substitute, this might be something that appeals to you…though more likely you’ll just find it easier to get down than most other clones.  Still, it’s a decent enough substitute until Roaring Lion becomes available near you.  (NOTE: I didn’t see this until later, but this is a seriously sugar-laden energy drink…enough that I actually ran up and down the stairs for a half hour later on to burn it all off.  Drink sparingly.)

KICK (INTENSITY)—8.5

Loop also exceeded my expectations in this regard—I actually started buzzing as I was about halfway through it.  More than other bargain energy drinks, this one works, and should prove dependable if you’re in one of those situations where you need a solid, jittery energy boost and need it fast.

KICK (DURATION)—10

Okay.  It’s been about five and a half hours since I wrote the section on intensity, and it’s just now wearing off.  Is it just me, or is this weird coming from a store-brand drink?

THE DRINK OVERALL—8.83

So against all expectations, Loop has delivered.  I don’t know that I feel safe endorsing it as a regular in anyone’s energy drink regimen (if only for the sugar content it should be drank only occasionally), but I will say that it’s worth trying at least once.  As always, leave feedback—if my experience was a fluke, I’d like to know.

WEBSITE: kmart.com

KEYWORDS: Loop energy drink review, store-brand energy drink, K-Mart energy drink review, bargain energy drink, inexpensive energy

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Review for 6 Hour Power Extra Strength--Grape

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CAFFEINE CONTENT

Not listed.  I get so tired of not being able to report on this section.  If I were to venture a guess, I’d say 120-150 mg.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

Hit-and-miss—local grocery stores seem to carry it with greater frequency than larger chains.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

I like the black for the sleekness it adds to the look—and that’s it.  Beyond that, it’s pretty unimaginative.

TASTE—4

This, more than any other grape shot I’ve had, tastes like grape Triaminic—from the medicinal taste to the syrupy texture.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I didn’t like grape Triaminic all that much—I liked it more than the yellow stuff, that’s for sure, but it’s still wasn’t all that good.  That in mind, why clone that flavor, as 5 Hour Energy did with their grape shot?  And furthermore, why would you clone that clone several zillion times, as this and other shots have done?

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

I’m really not excited to try the original strength shot, because for an extra strength shot, this is really wimpy.  It was like drinking a Wired energy drink—just extremely average in terms of its intensity.

KICK (DURATION)—9

I got maybe four and a half hours—definitely not the advertised six hours.

THE SHOT OVERALL—6.67

6 Hour Power is like 5 Hour Energy in the sense that it has no real reason to exist at all.  It’s exceeded in quality in every form imaginable by other products—in this case Eternal Energy—Grape.  The only niche it manages to fill (that of another bad tasting, overpriced and underpowered shot) is already occupied by several other shots, and it's best that you just avoid it.

WEBSITE: 6hrpower.com

KEYWORDS: 6 Hour Power Extra Strength Grape review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet

Friday, November 16, 2012

Review for Up To 10 Hour Super Charge--Kiwi Melon


Herbal medicine is both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, nothing helps me get to sleep on those nights of tossing and turning faster than a half tablespoon of valerian.  On the other hand, it makes it dang hard to get myself up and going in the morning—almost like I’d napped for too long rather than got a good night’s slept the night before.

I always find it commendable when an energy product can work around those things and get me going.  I hated yesterday’s “Up To 10 Hour” Super Charge (concord grape flavor) enough that I figured I’d better review one of the other flavors today to make sure my perspective hadn’t been skewed by the devastating apathy demonstrated on part of the creators.  What better time could I pick to put it to the test than on a morning when I was dragging my feet in a valerian-induced stupor?

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Unlisted.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—1

Only place I can find it is at a local supermarket limited to three locations here in eastern Idaho.  The truth is that I wish it were less common.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—.5

I don’t think there’s any need to go through this again.  The gist is that it’s some of the worst packaging I’ve ever seen on an energy product, ever.  If you feel like reading all five paragraphs elaborating on that, you can read it in my review of the Concord Grape flavor here.

TASTE—3

Not as bad as it smells—which is good, because I’m sure the one whiff I dared take burnt my nose hairs.  However, it tastes basically nothing like kiwi—or melon, unless you count a watered-down, extraordinarily unconvincing semblance of watermelon flavor as being melon-flavored.  It’s vague enough that I don’t.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7.5

You might ask—why did I take valerian last night?  Well, I was having trouble sleeping.  I was tossing, turning, and feeling extremely agitated.  I didn’t know at the time what had caused it, but did NOT want it to happen again.

Now, you’re probably wondering what the heck this has to do with my review of this shot.  Well, I took it down, and got the usual burst of energy—which I appreciated, given how much less ideal the valerian fog was.  But…after about an hour, I developed feelings of extreme agitation—much like last night!  It was the motherfreaking shot that had done it to me!

I have reviewed many products before, and not a one has done this to me.  Some have made me uncomfortably jittery, sure, but none of them have made me feel like I couldn’t sit still or focus or do anything even remotely worthwhile.

This is the antithesis of functional energy—in fact, this is probably the worst quality of energy I’ve ever experienced.  Flukes do happen, however, and seeing as I have two more flavors to review, I will be sure to find out and report if it is—but blast if I’m going to do it anytime soon, or on a day where I have to do anything even remotely important.

Incidentally, I’ve found a large bowl of brown basmati rice, almond milk, and molasses is dandy as an antidote for the feelings I described.

KICK (DURATION)—9

Kick lasted four hours—‘Up To 10 Hour Super Charge”, my butt.

THE SHOT OVERALL—6.83

So I reviewed this shot intending to find out if these are as bad as my experience last night had led me to believe—and it turns out it’s even worse!  These are absolutely terrible energy shots—stay away if you can!

WEBSITE: citco.com

KEYWORDS: Up To 10 Hour Super Charge shot review, diet, zero carb, zero energy, zero sugar, zero chance of a recommendation
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