EASE IN ACQUISITION—7
Easily acquired at Dollar Tree stores.
I’m not much of a fan of the packaging on these Red Rain energy drinks. The colors are nice and bright and strong, which is to its credit, but the template is generally bland and uninspired—like the makers had actually planned on the drink ending up in dollar stores and facing only the most menial competition (though I guess I can’t really say that, as the AZ Energy drinks are pretty decent).
There is something very, very, very wrong here.
Cott may have gotten the flavor profile (like a watermelon Jolly Rancher…not even a watermelon Airhead, for crying out loud) about right, but the resemblance ends there. Now, I wasn’t expecting watermelon juice (Geez, can you imagine the case of the squirts you’d get after drinking 16 ounces of that?...sorry.) when I opened this can, but neither was I expecting the very antithesis of watermelon and all it stands for. When I think watermelon, I think of something refreshing, something for a calm, warm summer evening after you’re through with your last final of the semester while you’re sitting outside with your wife as your kids run around on the fresh-cut grass, and you’re getting the chance to really relax for the first time since January.
Not freaking here.
If you open up a can of Red Rain Precipitation (no, the name doesn’t make any more sense than the other flavors) you’d better brace yourselves, because you are about to get a heavy wallop of thick, syrupy muck, heavily and unnecessarily carbonated with a flavor that seems only to have been put in as an afterthought, without regard for the fact that the end product was a blasphemy of the beloved fruit. It’s harsh, it’s heavy, and it’s just not at all pleasant—it really ruins the energy drinking experience when you feel sick after the fact.
For all your trouble (referring to the actual drinking of the beverage, in case clarification is needed), you get a kick that’s average and disproportionately jittery—not very useful and also not very pleasant.
Three hours tops, with crash to spare unless you burn of the sugar exercising.
THE SHOT OVERALL—5.67
What a freaking mess. The taste is gross and catastrophically miscalculated, the kick mediocre, and the overall experience bad. That dollar burning a hole in your pocket? Buy a Lighter Spider.
KEYWORDS: Red Rain Precipitation energy drink review, bargain energy drink