EASE IN ACQUISITION—6
Easy enough to find—assuming you live near a Fred Meyer, which most people here out west do.
Rather than going the boisterous, “drink-me-because-I’m-the-most-bad*ss-energy-drink-out-there” route, Function beverages has elected to be a bit more subtle and serious in their presentation. This is both the bottle’s blessing and curse—on one hand it does look sharp and I’m not inclined to disregard its claims (as I typically am with more pretentious beverages), but at the same time if you don’t know what you look for you’re going to just pass it by without a second thought. Additional point comes off for a failure to disclose a frank amount of caffeine—it’s lost somewhere in that 300 mg energy blend.
This tastes exactly like it says it’s going to taste—strawberries and guava—in a nice, refreshing beverage that seems calculated to be on the thirst-quenching end of things. It’s not so sweet and thick that it’ll have you quaffing glass after glass of water after the fact, but not so watery that it tastes like it’s been diluted to the point of being homeopathic. Bottom line is that it’s really good, and if it weren’t for the fact that one bottle packs such a punch I could easily down two in one sitting.
This is where Alternative Energy caught me off guard—see, reading over the bottle, I misread it, and for some reason thought the proprietary blend amounted to 160 mg. Thinking, “this should be nice for a mild boost” I iced it down and drank it quick, and WOAH IT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. This is a rush worthy of the designation, hitting hard and fast. Before I knew it I was getting my son and myself ready for the day in about the quarter of the time it normally takes me, and buzzing about my business with unparalleled efficiency. Believe me—even if you’re really, really tired, this will get the job done.
And…it’s going to last you quite a while. I was pretty skeptical reading over the back of the bottle, which says something about the ingredients doing their thing in a timed fashion, and kicking in as other ingredients are wearing off. Well, turned out that I experienced something like that, and for a solid six hours. I’d buzz for a while, feel tired, then suddenly get a second wind…and a third, for that matter. Now, it was never as intense as it was during the first hour, but it got me through breakfast, lunch, and a crap-ton of busting up old wall paneling—and if an energy drink can do that, it earns my stamp of approval.
THE DRINK OVERALL—9.33
In a word—this drink rocks. And take it from me—I went through a lot with this buzz, and it was only after that six-hour mark passed that I felt any degree of fatigue. It’ll quench your thirst, it’ll please your palate, it will drag your sleepy self to your feet and have you going from task to task like one of those metal bearings in a pinball machine. Definitely worth a shot in my book.
KEYWORDS: Function Alternative Energy drink review, all natural