Thursday, July 4, 2013

Review for Screamin Energy Max Hit


155 mg


I see these quite often in gas stations; just look by either the beef jerky or the chlorophyll pills.


I really, really, really can’t stand the look of this thing—in creating this product, Vital 4U (yeah, that’s the name of the company…) has created what is possibly one of the most annoying energy packaging jobs on the market today.  First thing I have a problem with is the retarded spelling and grammar—failing to include the apostrophe in “screamin’” or including the phrase “it’s VITAL 4.U.” isn’t cool, it isn’t extreme, it isn’t any of the things they’re going for.  Second is the general gas station product look to it—with the black and white coupled with red, it looks like something worthy of the company of products that are supposed to deliver herbal energy or make your penis larger or enhance your sexual stamina and prevent premature ejaculation and what not.  Third is the boisterousness of it; the red highlights in the background of every single declaration is really loud and obnoxious—for example, the part of the pouch advertising the panax ginseng content with that distressed red sphere behind it might as well read “PANAX GINSENG MADARFACARS!” for all the effect it has.  Nature has many ways of saying “stay away”—quills on porcupines, spiky inflation of pufferfish, snarling of cats, men wearing duck-themed waist inflatables and carrying bazookas…and now we have Vital 4U’s strategy to add to that repertoire.


I wholly substantiate the “flavor” part of the “coffee mocha flavor” part of the advertised taste of this product—principally because you can tell that there’s not a dang bit of coffee in this thing (fortunately for me).  This extremely viscous, liquid much has the taste of burnt popcorn kernels, and I doubt it’s even good enough to fool a person who’s been smoking cigars for the past 30 years.


In terms of this, this one is so…average that it’s painful.  I liked the lack of jitters well enough, but if you’re going to fail to include the apostrophe in the name of your product, it had better be because you’re so jacked up on it that you can’t even think straight…you know what, never mind, I don’t like energy products that do that, either.  Bottom ine—screw this.


Three very average hours of very average energy.  No crash, but no screamin’, either.


…Yeah, I didn’t like this one very much.  Looks retarded, tastes retarded, kicks retarded.  Vital 4U—You went full retard, man.  Never go full retard.  You don't buy that?  Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam."  Remember?  Went full retard, went home empty handed….


KEYWORDS: Screamin Energy Max Hit review

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