Saturday, September 28, 2013

Review for Havoc


Somewhere around 70-80 mg/8.4 oz. can


Found this at a Grocery Outlet in Twin Falls, Idaho—same place where I found Shark, EX, etc.—for 50 cents.  No idea where else you’d go besides the website (where you buy them by the entire freaking case, if you feel thus inclined).


The major failing of this packaging job is the fact that it appears to have been assembled entirely out of energy drink can clichĂ©s, and as a result is very nearly invisible on the shelves—I didn’t even catch it on my first run down the energy drink aisle, something that never happens.  Let’s break it down, bit by bit, so you get the idea (if not terribly interested, just skip to the last paragraph):

1)    Black background.  Has been employed effectively in times past, but by and large it’s just a second-lowest common denominator (right after bare aluminum), fallback sort of color.
2)    Distressed font.  Terribly overdone.
3)    Very lame slogan—“Disrupt the Ordinary.”  Catchphrases like that all too often tend to signify anything but out of the ordinary.
4)    Bare-bones energy blend.  With the plethora of functional beverages on the market formulated for all manner of situations, this one-size-fits-all trash is now long obsolete.
5)    No flavor indicated.

In short—Havoc looks like it should be another Red Bull clone.  Now, it’s not—we’ll get to that in a second—but Havoc pulls the part off so thoroughly completely that it almost appears as though it were the work of madmen trying to fool the masses (newbie and seasoned reviewer alike) into thinking that it was, in fact, such a thing.


I was so ready for another Red Bull clone—so freaking ready.  I had my rant all planned out, venom dripping from my fangs, poised and ready to strike at the audacity of releasing yet another traditionally-flavored energy drink in a market almost completely inundated with mediocre examples of the same.  All of that went away when I opened the can, along with just about any preexisting desire to drink it—Havoc has the smell of crisp, very sweet piss.

I don’t use this description lightly, and I do not exaggerate.  If you’ve ever wondered what sparkling diabetic’s urine smells like, get yourself a can of Havoc and pop it open!  Now…moving on to the taste (Yeah, I drank it even after observing it smelled like urine…what can I say?  I’m an energy drink reviewer to the core.), Havoc doesn’t necessarily taste like piss (if you’re ever had the experience of being the father of a newborn boy and changing his diaper, you can imagine what horror proffered me that knowledge), but it tastes like the company did the best they could with the flavors of apple, pear, and grape juice to approximate it as best they could.

While I am confident saying that this product in all likelihood does not contain actual urine, it’s close enough that I wouldn’t even consider recommending it for any reason.


Not that there’s any real reason to recommend it, foul taste aside.  The boost is pretty miserable (enough to wake you up, but not enough to really be able to benefit from or enjoy it), and about what you’d expect given its stripped-down functional blend.


Maybe an hour, hour and a half.  Slight crash.


Don’t even think about it.


KEYWORDS: Havoc energy drink review

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