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For
a while now, I’ve been meaning to publish a post about my personal favorite
energy drinks. When I first
started this blog, I had been perfectly content to limit my regard to a list of
these drinks at the right-hand side of the page, but for excelling in their
capacity the way they do, I think they deserve a little more recognition than
just that. So here we are—the best
of the best, and why I consider them to be such.
(Before
I go into it, please note that this list is subject to change at any time.)
You
ever have instances where you just need a slight boost? Nothing too intense, just something to
give you that little nudge past the threshold dividing that obnoxious groggy,
cobweb-brained state from real alertness?
I know I do, and when faced with a situation like that, I reach for a
bottle of Bawls—it delivers just the
right amount of energy for that sort of thing. Sure, it’s kind of limited to this application if you’re
looking at this as a functional beverage, but in terms of filling that niche,
nothing does a better job.
Coming
in at #9 is a more recent addition (as of the time of posting) to the Monster
Energy lineup, Cuba Lima. As far
as kick it’s on the high end of average for the line; what really wins me over,
though, is the flavor—I like how it’s so much more different than what the rest
of the energy drinking world offers, but the coke and lime combination seems to
go together so naturally and deliciously that you would think someone would
have done it sooner (I can’t actually taste the lime in Coke’s drink, so that
doesn’t count—plus it scarcely has any caffeine). For that, I find myself with a hankering for a Cuba Lima as
much as any other energy drink.
This
one I like mostly for the kick.
Don’t get me wrong, I do like the flavor—it’s just that the combination
of the three fruits never stops tasting strange
to me. In terms of its effects
however, this one is completely unmatched in terms of its sheer
enjoyability—I’ve scarcely had as much fun drinking energy drinks as when I
took down one of these for a headache, then decided to clean my late
grandmother’s entire two-story house (we were visiting at the time) while
blasting Blind Guardian as loud as my computer would allow me. Of course, it’s strong enough for just
about any energy-requiring situation you could imagine, but if I have lots of
physical labor to perform and I want to take every semblance of drudgery out of
it, I will reach for an Xdurance every freaking time.
I’ll
be the first to admit that energy drinking isn’t the healthiest habit in the
world—it’s the one flaw on my otherwise excellent record of healthy
eating. When I drink one of these
two, however, I feel like I could all but erase that lone blemish and still get
everything I expect out of an energy drink. In addition to tasting fantastic, they deliver a substantial
amount of energy and are 100% all natural—and, let me tell you, they make for
one heck of a breakfast drink alongside some brown rice, bacon and farm-fresh
eggs.
Yes,
I do find ties on lists such as these as obnoxious as the next man—but if
you’ve been through the Rehab line, I think you’d understand. They are all enormously refreshing and
splendid for their recovery purposes (mind when I say “recovery” I think
intense exercise or something of the sort—but I think Monster formulated these
as hangover recovery drinks); the only thing that decides which one I go for is
my mood—some days I prefer nothing above Rojo Tea, on others nothing but
Orangeade will do the trick, and on others still
I have insane cravings for Lemonade and have a hard time thinking about
drinking anything else. When my
preferences are that sporadic, how the heck am I supposed to pin down just one to go on my list?
To
make note of my failure to include Rehab—Green Tea and Rehab—Protean with the
other three—I just don’t like them nearly as much. I’m not wild about the dry texture of Green Tea (if it
weren’t for that it would be there for sure), and Protean is just so dang
strange that I can never really decide whether I like it or not. These two will perform just as well,
but by my estimation the other three provide for a vastly more pleasant
drinking experience.
Don’t
have a lot to say here except that these are wonderfully well-rounded energy
drinks—they taste great and kick great and do all that without calories. Enough said here, I think.
I
freaking love Spider Energy drinks.
They have almost everything going for them—they taste just like energy
drinks should, they kick just like energy drinks should, they look just like
energy drinks should, and do all this at only 99 cents a can. Now, I have to make note that if I had
to pick between one or the other, I’d have to go with Lighter Spider, just
because I like the flavor a bit more—but the difference isn’t great enough that
I’d even consider not putting Spider on the list.
Kronik
Energy—Blue Citrus ranks so highly on the list just because I haven’t been able
to find anything else quite like it.
I’m quite fond of it’s unique grapefruit taste, but what really takes
the cake is the kick—this is the first energy drink I’ve had that really seems
to embody the term “functional beverage.”
It didn’t get me especially wired, but it seemed to facilitate every
single little thing I did—almost as though I was at just the right level of energy for everything I needed to do. It’s the sort of thing I’d love to
experience on a regular basis, but alas—it is no longer sold nearby.
No
one was more disappointed than me when Monster Energy—Heavy Metal was
discontinued—though given how many people absolutely hated it, I probably
shouldn’t be all that surprised.
As for myself, however, I thought it was a fantastic energy drink—I
loved the margarita-inspired flavor (or at least what I’ve been told was
margarita-inspired), and I loved how it kicked so hard for so long…it was the
sort of boost that automatically pops into your head when someone around you
says “energy drink.” Even today it
pops up at Big Lots from time to time, but gets bought up pretty quick—so grab
it while you can; it’s worth experiencing at least once.
Coming
in at the #1 spot(s) are two energy drinks that have absolutely nothing in common, except for the fact
that I really cannot for the life of me decide which I like more—they are both
the best at what they do, but do very different things. Make sense? No? Alright,
let me see if I can elaborate: on one hand, you have Rockstar Zero Carb—an
almost ubiquitous, zero calorie energy beverage that comes with an unbelievably delicious wild berry
flavor and in two sizes, which I have dubbed “Extra Strength” and “Freaking INSANE!”. If you want energy, you cannot go wrong by going with Rockstar
Zero Carb. On the other, you have
Venom Energy—Death Adder. This
doesn’t have a lot going for it health wise, but it is unbelievably delicious and has the best function-oriented kick
I’ve ever had, bar none. You want to be at the top of your
game? You cannot go wrong by going with Venom Energy—Death Adder.
See? Two different drinks, equally great at
what they do. I’ve tried to bump
one down—I just can’t. In any
case, these two are in my mind the best energy drinks around—which I go for
just depends on whether I want to be wired to an extreme degree or if I need
serious functional energy.
