Review for Hi Ball Energy--Cranberry Apple

CAFFEINE CONTENT

200 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

Generally limited in availability, though visiting the “natural foods” section of stores like Fred Meyer should yield some results.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8.5

Energy drinks are generally packaged in one of two ways: the extremely ostentatious “I’M A FREAKING ENERGY DRINK” sort (think the Monster BFC), and the not-so-ostentatious, speak-for-itself sort (think Bawls Guarana).  Hi Ball energy drink cans lie on the latter end of the spectrum—simple logo, simple design, simple color scheme(s), but at least in the case of Cranberry Apple, the result is effective.

TASTE—6

I’m not going to lie—I was pretty psyched to try this one out.  Seemed to have everything going for it (at least at first glance), and even opening up the can, it seemed that things would go well—smelled promising, and even the shade of pink that the drink possessed fueled my optimism.  Then, taking my first sip, I was met with disappointment.  This drink doesn’t taste nearly as good as it ought to—the flavors taste very watered down (the apple is hardly perceptible at all), and the minor degree of carbonation leaves the drink with a flat feel.  Even if it was drinkable, I was still far from pleased.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

I guess I can say that Hi Ball Energy—Cranberry Apple works well enough—the organic caffeine (hydrous vs. anhydrous, I’d guess) delivers a boost that is reasonably effective without causing jitters, which I can appreciate, though in some instances would leave something to be desired (let’s face it—sometimes you just need to be jacked up on caffeine).

KICK (DURATION)—8

Lasted ‘bout three hours and 45 minutes.  Decent for driving or an afternoon of studying.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.33

So even if the kick was alright, I wasn’t terribly impressed by the taste, and honestly, the whole experience felt a bit underwhelming.  Try if you must, but from my point of view, there are less expensive energy drinks out there that will get the job done better AND are far tastier to boot—and if you’re wanting me to suggest something that’s similarly healthy, I’d just suggest any Viso beverage.

WEBSITE: hiballer.com

KEYWORDS: Hi Ball Cranberry Apple energy drink review, USDA organic, all natural energy drink, organic caffeine, organic sugar, 100 calories per can

Review for Archer Farms Sugar-Free Tangerine

CAFFEINE CONTENT

70 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

If you’ve got a Target store nearby, head there—the shelves are full of ‘em.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

Part of me wants to call this can “the textbook definition of plain.”  Thing is, I think textbook definitions are more exciting—so the can doesn’t even merit that.

TASTE—6

I remember this one tasting alright—tastes exactly like it says it will—but is still insanely forgettable, for the which I’m docking a point.

KICK (INTENSITY)—3

Hardly enough to notice.

KICK (DURATION)—3

The apparent effects last about an hour—not that they amounted to anything.

THE DRINK OVERALL—4

I’m hoping that the reader will forgive me for the lack of effort I put into this review—but I’ve just reviewed four Archer Farms beverages in a freaking row.  It’s the most mind-numbingly boring thing that I’ve had to do since I started reviewing energy drinks—even more than reviewing the Wired line, believe that or not.  Bottom line of this last one is that Archer Farms—Sugar-Free Tangerine is a lousy energy drink, not tasting even remotely good enough to compensate for its embarassing lack of kick.  Avoid it if at all possible.

WEBSITE: target.com?

KEYWORDS: Archer Farms Sugar-Free Tangerine energy drink review, sugar free, low carb, low calorie, zero carb, zero calorie

Review for Archer Farms--Pomegranate Blueberry

CAFFEINE CONTENT

70 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

As easy as stopping by your local Target store.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

Inoffensive, but still plain enough that I am filled with a substantial degree of apathy with regards to it.

TASTE—7

Best described as “dry, slightly carbonated blueberry.”  Pomegranate lovers are sure to be miffed, as hardly any is perceptible.

KICK (INTENSITY)—3

Hardly worthy of being called a kick at all—only enough to make me think, “Hmm…I had something with caffeine.”

KICK (DURATION)—3

I felt the effects for about an hour or so—but given how weak the drink was to begin with, does that hour even matter?

THE DRINK OVERALL—4.33

Think this review is boring?  I couldn’t agree more.  But, I consider this characteristic appropriate, because you won’t find a drink more lackluster than Archer Farms—Pomegranate Blueberry.  Don’t bother with this one.

WEBSITE: target.com?

KEYWORDS: Archer Farms Pomegranate Blueberry energy drink review, Target brand

Review for Archer Farms--Sugar-Free Raspberry

CAFFEINE CONTENT

70 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

Available at Target stores nationwide.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

This is a store-brand energy drink, and is packaged as plain as they come.

TASTE—7

I’d go so far as to call this pleasant, as far as standard energy fare is concerned—it tastes sort of like an earthy, raspberry-flavored seltzer water.  Only complaint I have is the heavy-handed presence of the artificial sweeteners, which mars the experience a bit.

KICK (INTENSITY)—3

Little, if any, to report.  I could barely feel anything at all; the effects could be likened unto drinking a large glass of Dr. Pepper.

KICK (DURATION)—3

Very lackluster, providing an hour of energy tops.

THE DRINK OVERALL—4.33

The only reason to drink this is if you’re into flavors like the ones I described earlier—because as far as energy is concerned, this one tanks.

WEBSITE: target.com?

KEYWORDS: Archer Farms Sugar-Free Raspberry energy drink review, sugar free, low carb, low calorie, zero carb, zero calorie

Review for Archer Farms--Sugar-Free Grapefruit

CAFFEINE CONTENT

70 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

As long as you’ve got a Target nearby, you’ll be able to find this Target-brand drink.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

This being a store-brand energy drink, I don’t really think that it’s fair to expect much in terms of packaging, and you really don’t get much—you have a green (?) band, a black band, and a logo.  Nothing worthy of note or exposition.

TASTE—9

As you might guess (or not…I don’t know), this tastes nothing like grapefruit—what it does taste is like a very smooth, not-so-sweet Mountain Dew.  It’s exceptionally pleasant, and something I’d have no trouble drinking again in the future.  Did I mention it’s also sugar free, and doesn’t even taste the part?

KICK (INTENSITY)—3

At 70 mg of caffeine, you’re looking at slightly more caffeine than a Mountain Dew—so it tastes (kinda) like Mountain Dew, and now, it kicks like Mountain Dew—meaning there’s hardly any kick to report.

KICK (DURATION)—3

I drank this to take the edge off a headache I was getting at the end of the day—and had no trouble getting to bed about an hour and a half later.  That tell you enough?

THE DRINK OVERALL—5

So nice as this one tastes, I can’t really recommend it when it comes to energy—because it hardly delivers any.  But…if you’re into Mountain Dew, I’m guessing that it’s something you might appreciate all the same.

WEBSITE: target.com?

KEYWORDS: Archer Farms Grapefruit energy drink review, sugar free, low carb, low calorie, zero carb, zero calorie

Review for Victory Fruit Punch

CAFFEINE CONTENT

All I can do is guess—none is listed.  Probably 160 mg or so…that would make a lot of sense.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—3

Scarce, but I don’t think that’s going to be the case for long.  I’ll probably be seeing this in more locations than I care to before long.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6.5

Victory Fruit Punch comes canned in standard energy drink fare—black background, logo in foreground, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  In a word, it’s dry.  In another…uninspired.  In yet another…bland.  We’ll stop right there, otherwise we’ll be here all night, and the exposition just isn’t worth it.

TASTE—5

The only thing I hate finding more than yet another Red Bull clone is finding yet another crap fruit punch drink.  Whereas I actually don’t mind the Red Bull flavor and have actually had some excellent flavor experiences with Red Bull clones, crap fruit punch drinks are at best merely drinkable.  For the most part, they’re overly sweet, fake-tasting, and downright mediocre.  There’s no justification whatsoever for the multiplicity of these beverages on the market, but here we are with yet another.  Even by crap fruit punch standards, it’s pretty shoddy—not so much sweeter than others, but even more fake tasting and somehow even more generic.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8.5

And now, after tearing down the flavor, I’m forced to admit—this stuff works.  And it doesn’t just work—it’s nice.  I enjoyed buzzing under the influence of Victory Fruit Punch—I enjoyed the sharp alertness, I enjoyed the jitters, I enjoyed how it didn’t taper off until about…never mind; I’m getting ahead of myself.  On to the next section!

KICK (DURATION)—10

So, as I was saying, Victory Fruit Punch’s boost didn’t taper off over the course of the five and a half hours I was under its influence—the energy peak was more of an energy plateau, which only began to taper off once I passed the five-hour mark.  No crash to report.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.83

So…as much as I hated Victory Fruit Punch’s flavor, I have to say it had a dang nice kick.  If you’re a fruit punch guy, spend a buck and grab a Victory Fruit Punch.

WEBSITE: victoryenergyize.com

KEYWORDS: Victory Fruit Punch energy drink review, Victory Energize, Victory energy, discount energy drink, bargain energy drink

Review for Victory

Making a stop at one of my usual energy haunts recently, I had good reason to believe my decision to pass by had paid off—from the entrance, I could see a pair of new energy beverages waiting amongst the others.  Even before I was close enough to open the refrigerator, however, I knew there was something extraordinarily familiar about the whole scene—an obvious Red Bull clone, and a fruit punch flavored drink…ah, yes, I had seen this before.  The company behind this line of drinks, called “Victory” was doing nothing more or less than knocking off the Knockout line.

For those of you unfamiliar with Knockout—let me give you this crash course—it is one of the most painfully uninspired energy drink lines ever to exist.  The laughably named “Original” is a carbon copy of the original Monster Energy, and the low carb version is a desperate stab at Monster Energy—Absolutely Zero; the only other flavor in the line is the crap fruit punch flavor—which is probably the only thing flavor that has the potential to be as unexciting as a Red Bull clone.  To add insult to injury, they even steal the 99 cent price tag from Knockout and slapped it on their own can.

So to give you an idea of how derivative Victory is—Knockout knocked off Monster, which is a spin on the traditional Red Bull flavor (for the sake of argument, let’s call it a knockoff as well), so what we have with Victory is a knockoff of a knockoff of a knockoff—a 4^th generation knockoff!

This sort of thing happens with energy drinking—or just about anywhere in the corporate world.  Just as surely as you have people out there being bold, trying new things, looking to take things to the next level, you have shlocks who just want their piece of the pie, but aren’t willing to do anything innovative (or effort-expending, for that matter) to do it.

Anyway, enough ranting.  Let’s get on with the review.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

None listed, much to my chagrin.  Best guess is the run-of-the-mill 160 mg—which would be consistent with the half-hearted nature of this line.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—3

Not terribly common at this point, but I’m guessing that soon enough we’ll be seeing it pop up more and more.  As to whether that’s a blessing or a curse…I’ll leave that call up to you.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6.5

Not offensive, but by and large fairly unexciting—unless you’ve got an eye you’ve trained to recognize and zero in on new energy drinks, you’ll probably wind up passing it over.  Can’s black with a Monster-esque green letter in the center (V rather than M) in the center.  Nothing else to report.

TASTE—6

Victory may have stolen the idea for their own line from Knockout, but at least I could logically see myself drinking Knockout in the future, in the event I was in the mood for a Monster but had the option of paying less (just for the record, I don’t consider the scenario likely—I may have a hankering for a traditional energy drink-flavored drink from time to time, but if I’m going to act on that, I’m getting myself a Monster Import).  Victory’s flavor is just that of a shoddy Red Bull clone—nowhere near good enough to justify their use of the horrifically banal flavor.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

So after all my venomous ranting, I am forced to concede—Victory works.  And it’s not the cheap, bargain-caffeine buzz that infused me with a vehement hatred for the Rip It line.  It’s honestly a good buzz—the kind I cannot help but recommend.  It’s a bit slow getting started, but ten minutes or so after drinking it, I was very awake and satisfactorily jittery.

KICK (DURATION)—9

In this respect, Victory…(swallows, almost chokes on pride) also performs very well.  The effects hardly changed over the course of four hours, though after this, it did wear off somewhat quickly—though with no noticeable crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.67

So in spite of my undying distain for the idea behind the beverage, I’m forced to concede, albeit grudgingly, that it does work, and works well.  I’ll personally stick with other beverages, but if what I’ve said here doesn’t turn you off to Victory…well, at least let me know what you think.

WEBSITE: victoryenergyize.com

KEYWORDS: Victory energy drink review, Victory Energize, Victory energy, Red Bull clone, traditional energy drink flavor, discount energy drink, bargain energy drink

Review for Amp Energy--Boost (Original Sugar Free)

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CAFFEINE CONTENT

142 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

Low calorie energy drinks don’t sell terribly well here where I live, but there seems to be a renewed effort on the part of retailers with the revamping of the Amp line to push the Sugar Free version of Amp.  Consequentially, it’s a little more common than Amp Energy—Sugar Free was.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

The new Amp format and the typical Amp Sugar Free color combination are employed here, with average results.  Nothing special, nothing worth a rant.  I will say the matte appearance burnished aluminum is a nice improvement…but that’s as far as I’ll go.

TASTE—7

Taste is exactly the same as the Amp Energy—Sugar Free…no surprises there.  For those new to the scene however, imagine diet Mountain Dew, and you have the idea.  If you like diet Mountain Dew, chances are you’ll like this one.  Otherwise, you’re not missing anything in grabbing something else. 

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Intensity’s average—you’re awake, you’re alert, not all that jittery.  In most situations it should do the trick, but it’s nothing memorable.

KICK (DURATION)—7

Longevity’s also average—anticipate three hours of energy or so, with no crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7

Having gone through the entire Klr Bz line and a few beverages of the Viso line, it sure is disheartening to get back into these painfully ordinary beverages.  If you’re into diet Mountain Dew and want something with a bit more of a kick (emphasis on bit), by all means, grab one of these.

WEBSITE: ampenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Amp Boost Sugar Free energy drink review, Amp Boost Sugar Free review, zero calorie, zero carb, zero sugar, low calorie, low carb, diet

Review for Viso Will

This review applies to both the 16 oz. can and the 20 oz. bottle—only differences between the two is the concentration of the ingredients of the proprietary blend and the presentation.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

300 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

Unless you’re in Oregon/east Idaho, chances are you’re going to have a really tough time finding this or any other Viso product.  If you’re really intrigued by it/desperate to get a hold of it, I suppose you could get a case of it online.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7 (CAN), 6 (BOTTLE)

Not quite as wild about this can as I was that of Viso Dynamo, or even Viso Vigor.  The gold accenting is still cool, but I’m not thrilled by how…diet-looking…the color combination of the navy and pale blues is.  That’s really Viso Will’s only fault when it comes to packaging, but it’s enough to dock a couple of points.  The bottle gets an additional point taken off for looking cheap.

TASTE—4

Viso Will represents a colossal miscalculation when it comes to taste, and was really quite a disappointment.  If I had drank it before Dynamo or Vigor, I might be a little more forgiving, but having partaken of the sheer deliciousness of those two, this one was a tremendous letdown.

First problem is the combination of flavors—cranberry and grapefruit.  I’m quite fond of both, but each possesses a characteristically bitter aftertaste/accenting taste that you need to be conscious of if you’re going to be making beverages out of them.  When Viso puts the two together, the bitterness of each is noticeably compounded by the bitterness of the other, to the point that you can’t really enjoy either flavor.

Second problem is the use of stevia as a sweetener.  Personally, I don’t know how anyone can handle stevia—the sweetness is overwhelmingly intense, and this aside, it just tastes bad—really acrid and just plain vile.  Another problem with the stevia is the fact that it doesn’t really sweeten the beverage.  The sweetness seems to exist independent of the drink, so that you have the beverage, and then you’ve got the sweetness—together, but separate at the same time.

Bottom line, Viso Will just isn’t good.  The potential’s there, but it’s too much of a mess to enjoy.

KICK (INTENSITY)—9.5

As with most low cal drinks, Viso Will is a bit stronger than the others—I was extremely awake, as with the other Viso drinks, but unlike the others, I found myself to be noticeably jittery, though not overly so.

KICK (DURATION)—10+

The typical Viso trend is followed when it comes to duration—got about seven hours of good, consistent energy out of Viso Will before the finish line, at which no crash occurred.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8.17

I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE rating drinks like this.  As far as flavor is concerned, Viso Will sucks—but when it comes to kick it’s excellent—so in the end, it winds up with a very positive rating!  Don’t let the flaws in my rating system throw you off—stick with one of the other Viso beverages, and avoid Viso Will.

WEBSITE: drinkviso.com

KEYWORDS: Viso Will energy drink review, Viso energy drink review, energy juice, cranberry, grapefruit, all natural, organic, non-carbonated, high caffeine, low carb, low calorie

Review for Viso Vigor

The following review applies to both the 16 oz. can and the 20 oz. bottle—caffeine content’s the same, the effects are the same; the only differences are the concentration and the packaging.

CAFFEINE CONTENT

300 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

Difficult to come by, for the most part.  Best bet is buying it by the case online.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—9 (CAN), 6 (BOTTLE)

I don’t consider the green of the Viso Vigor can to be as effective as Dynamo’s purple, but coupled with the navy blue font and the gold accents, it’s still pretty snazzy.  The bottle, on the other hand, with its loose, crinkly wrapper and Gatorade-esque bottle, just looks kind of cheap and easy to overlook.

TASTE—10

Viso’s website indicates that Vigor is their most popular flavor, and I don’t have any trouble believing it.  Vigor is some dang good stuff—I’d go so far as to call it ‘next level’ good.  The flavor is supposed to be a homogeny of lemon, lime, and strawberry; I honestly don’t remember the strawberry much—only a singularly refreshing key lime and lemon goodness.  This is one of those drinks where I have a really hard time doing the flavor justice—you’ll just have to try it yourself.  I will say that, as with Dynamo, I took Vigor down sip by sip, savoring every bit of it, such that it took me about 10 minutes to finish it.

KICK (INTENSITY)—9

Vigor’s distinction from Dynamo ends at the flavor—the kicks are identical.  But, in the event that the reader has not read my review for Dynamo, I’ll repeat what I stated there.  Viso energy drinks, with their 300 mg of caffeine, aren’t meant to deliver a harsh, short-lived blast of energy—rather, they are formulated to give a kick that is somewhat less intense (according to the graph on the website), but loner-lived and without the crash.  That’s exactly what you get—with Vigor, I never felt particularly wired, just extremely awake and extremely lucid.  And honestly, it was one of the best I’ve ever experienced.

KICK (DURATION)—10+

Viso Vigor’s energy level doesn’t peak so much as it does plateau—the high level of energy one gets out of it don’t decrease over the course of the experience, but remains the about the same until about a half hour before it wears off.  In all, you can anticipate at least seven hours of useful energy once you’ve finished the can. 

THE DRINK OVERALL—10

I just love it when an energy drink company decides to take energy drinking to the next level.  That’s what has happened with Viso Vigor—the company has employed all-natural ingredients to deliver a drink that is reasonably healthy, exceptionally tasty, and that possesses an almost unparalleled level of effectiveness.  If you are able, I encourage you to get your hands on at least one can of Viso Vigor.  You may very well find a new drink of choice.

WEBSITE: drinkviso.com

KEYWORDS: Viso Vigor energy drink review, Viso energy drink review, energy juice, key lime, lemon, strawberry, all natural, organic, non-carbonated, high caffeine

Review for Viso Dynamo

(Before I get started—this review applies to both sizes of this drink.  Both the 16 oz. can and the 20 oz. bottle possess 300 mg of caffeine, so the proprietary ingredients of the bottle are just less concentrated.)

As a general rule, energy drinking isn’t the healthiest habit in the world to get into.  If you plan on drinking energy drinks, plan on getting lots of high fructose corn syrup, preservatives, artificial flavorings, etc.  I myself try as best I can to limit my intake so as to prevent any real lasting health effects, but addiction to the things makes doing so a lot harder than I like.

Now…along comes Viso, bringing to us the following challenge:

“At VISO, we want you to read our label and compare it with our competitors’.  During this enlightening process, the more you discover about VISO’s ingredients, the more likely it is you’ll drink VISO.  Once you’ve selected VISO for it’s superior contents, you also leave behind fake tasting and nasty flavors.  With VISO, you’ll enter a world of amazingly fresh and fruity flavors your palate will luxuriate in.  Enjoy VISO, and let us know what you think!”

Ballsy stuff, coming from an emerging energy drink company with a modest staff of 15.  Anyway, I have in my hands a can of VISO Dynamo, and now report to you some of the ingredients: certified organic evaporated cane sugar, organic concord grape juice from concentrate, organic grapefruit juice concentrate…by now, you should have the idea.  The stuff is 100% natural, and promises to be a healthier, more palpable alternative to the mainstream.  Let’s see how it performs….

CAFFEINE CONTENT

300 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—2

The closer you get to Portland, the easier Viso products are to find—which means you’re out of luck once you get much further east than Boise, unless you’re willing to go online and buy it by the case.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—10 (CAN); 9 (BOTTLE)

As far as the layout is concerned, the Viso Dynamo can is pretty simple; the giant diagonal Viso logo is the only really distinguishing feature.  However, with the gold shadowing of the dark blue lettering over the purple background, the simplicity takes on a very distinguished quality—the end result being a drink that one can be seen drinking with absolute confidence.

Don’t like the bottle quite as much—the crinkly, brittle wrapper drives me crazy—but it’s still pretty dang snazzy.

TASTE—10

Pouring this into my Energy Glass, it became apparent that what I had here was an energy juice—which led me to feel a bit apprehensive; my last experiences with energy juices (Rumba, Samba, and Tango) left plenty to be desired.  I took a sip, and…wow.  You can definitely taste a serious (and positive) difference from just about any other energy drink out there.  As indicated by the label, the first thing to grace your taste buds is an appropriately intense hit of concord grape juice, with a bit of tartness from grapefruit adding dimension to the second half of the taste experience.  This stuff is the real deal, and you really need to experience it for yourself to know what I’m talking about.  If you need to hear any more than that, let me say this—it took me about 15 minutes to get this down.  I was savoring it, sip by sip, and was quite disappointed when the very last sip was gone.

KICK (INTENSITY)—9

Having seen the conspicuous red warning label to the side of the can regarding the drink’s 300 mg of caffeine, I was expecting Viso Dynamo to deliver a pretty serious hit—and it was plenty intense, although it wasn’t the tremendous blast of energy I expected.  Apparently (I only learned this after the fact), Viso drinks are formulated to deliver a slightly lower level of energy over a longer period of time than most energy drinks—and in this regard, they deliver.  I was never jittery or particularly wired, but I was shockingly lucid and alert—for the most part, I felt like my eyes were about to bug out of my head.

KICK (DURATION)—10+

Viso Dynamo delivered about seven hours of solid energy before tapering off, at which point I simply felt tired—no crash to speak of.

THE DRINK OVERALL—10

Like juice?  Like energy drinks?  Like beverages?  Whatever niche you fall into, you need to try this drink.  I for one can proudly call myself a new convert to the Viso line, and look forward to reviewing more in the future.

WEBSITE: drinkviso.com

KEYWORDS: Viso Dynamo energy drink review, Viso energy drink review, energy juice, concord grape, grapefruit, all natural, organic, non-carbonated, high caffeine