Review for Tweaker--Berry

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Undisclosed.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

Pops up at odd gas stations from time to time.  Just keep your eyes peeled.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Even if it’s not the flashiest energy shot in the world, Tweaker is attractive and different enough from other shots to grab and keep your attention.  The main selling point in my book is the use of the tall 2 oz. bottle as opposed to the standard, squat version—sure, you still know on sight that it’s a 5 Hour Energy clone, but at least it looks different enough to make you do the double-take needed to make you stop and consider purchasing it.  Also worthy of note is the name of the shot, which I like—now, the website claims that the formula was ‘tweaked’ so many times that they started calling it “Tweaker” and the name stuck…but I’m going to call that BS; there’s no way in the world that I’m going to believe that an energy shot called “Tweaker” is not so named so because of its association with methamphetamine (also a stimulant) users.  Lastly, I’m docking a point for failure to disclose the caffeine content anywhere, either on the bottle or the Internet.

TASTE—2

If something could be done about the gosh-awful medicinal aftertaste here this might actually have been a respectable energy shot.  The first thing that’s apparent is that this doesn’t taste like your run-of-the-mill 5 Hour Energy clone—the berry flavor is full and thick, and I was just barely beginning to appreciate it when I was hit with a barrage of medicinal aftertastes (bitter, sour…you name it, it was there), which was about as bad as I’ve ever tasted in an energy shot, and necessitated that I take it down sip by sip.  It’s not just the palate that doesn’t appreciate it, my stomach isn’t happy with me, either—it’s been about five minutes since I first downed it, and I still have a slow burn going down in my midsection.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8.5

I think the “6X The Kick!” declaration on the bottle may be a bit of an exaggeration, but at the same time it is a pretty decent shot powerwise—it took all of ten minutes before I was buzzing through my organic chemistry in record time, plenty alert and jittery enough that had a marathon house-cleaning session after I was done was in order.

KICK (DURATION)—8

The peak lasted about an hour, then decreased incrementally over the course of the next two and a half hours.  No crash, though I’m more than ready for bed.

THE SHOT OVERALL—6.17

Works really well, but it’s nasty—so it’s more or less the same as most every other shot out there.  Maybe worth the kick if you can stomach it.

WEBSITE: tweakershot.com

KEYWORDS: Tweaker Berry energy shot review, zero carbs, zero calorie, zero sugar, diet

Review for Endorush--Fruit Punch Fix

CAFFEINE CONTENT

420 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

Only one place around here that sells these locally—and it’s a high-end grocery store with a reasonably good section dedicated to fitness supplements.  Seeing as I haven’t seen this sold in any other such chains, however, I’d recommend checking out supplement stores like GNC or The Vitamin Shoppe, both of which sell this in their online store.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—9

One look at Endorush will tell you that it is not geared towards casual consumers, which tend to be attracted to things like glowing green Ms, hardcore lettering and catchphrases that become cheesy when you think about them too long.  The red bottle with the iridescent label is certainly attractive enough to grab your attention, but what holds it is the way Endorush plays it straight—everything is readily legible, attitude is kept to a minimum, and from this understatement it becomes apparent that it is a very potent beverage that deserves to be treated with serious respect.  The only thing I would change is to make the ample warning labels a bit more legible—they’re so small that with the iridescence I can hardly read them without straining.  But I suppose as explicit as they are, they’d need a bigger label for that.

TASTE—9

This came as a surprise—I’m really not into the crap fruit punch flavor; any number of my reviews can tell you that.  This, however, is one of three fruit punch flavored beverages I’ve had recently that pulls it off.  Something about how tart it is, how much the flavor is emphasized over sweetness makes it very hard to stick to the recommended ½ bottle…which, as it turns out, is recommended for a very, very good reason.

KICK (INTENSITY)—10+

I got cocky with Endorush.

I’m not proud to admit it—any moron could have told you that it was a bad idea to drink the whole thing at once.  I did, however, and can tell you that you had better dang well follow the serving insructions!

Last time I had a beverage this intense, it was Spike Hardcore Energy—The Original.  I was so unaccustomed to such high doses of caffeine that drinking it just about flipped my lid, and I gave it an unprecedented “OVERKILL” rating.  The entire bottle of Endorush, however, gave me such an enormous caffeine rush that I’m almost tempted to do the same thing for it—except 1) I experienced it contrary to the label’s instructions, and 2) it’s not so much the rush that tips you off, it’s how it ends that lets you know you overdid it.

KICK (DURATION)—10+

Half a bottle (had the grape flavor also—review coming soon) should give you about six hours of energy.  The whole dang thing—at the very least ten.  These were ten blissful hours for me, but after it was all over, I felt like a gym towel that’s been used by hundreds of different people and washed in the hot/heavy cycle countless times over the years—worn almost threadbare.  My nerves were so frayed that when I went to bed I slept about ten hours (as opposed to my usual eight) and was so put off by the idea of further energy drinks that it was about a week before I was willing to try anything else.  As I’ve said before—stick with half the freaking bottle.

THE DRINK OVERALL—10

Follow the instructions, and I can assure you that Endorush won’t let you down.  It’s got an excellent flavor and a great rush suited for just about any high-endurance (i.e. physical) energy requirement.

WEBSITE: bsnonline.net

KEYWORDS: Endorush Fruit Punch Fix energy drink review, low carb, low calorie, zero sugar

Review for Monster Energy--Ultra Red

CAFFEINE CONTENT

140 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

Another Monster beverage found absolutely nowhere for the first few months after I heard about it, then suddenly showed up everywhere overnight.  If you’re having a hard time finding it—check the same place tomorrow.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—10

Ultra Red follows in the footsteps of the original Zero Ultra in terms of aesthetic appeal; I only wish Ultra Blue hadn’t had those cheesy M’s integrated into that otherwise brilliant frost pattern…three 10/10’s would look nice on the shelf next to each other.  Anyway, this can features the same familiar texture as the other two, this time with a deep red an a paisley pattern to the side—which somehow works exceptionally well with the red.  I don’t know how that works…something about red and paisley just looks elegant.  Now I’m just waiting for Monster to introduce an “Ultra Green” with a green apple flavor—then 1) I could really look forward to enjoying a green apple energy drink, and 2) I could use cases of all four flavors as decorations when Christmas rolled around.

TASTE—10

Something that I’ve discovered with repeated indulgences of Monster’s Ultra line is that repeated drinking makes good energy drinks better and bad energy drinks worse.  The same holds true here—my first experience with this drink was good, but not the best; the cranberry flavor of the namesake “Ultra Red” is mellowed out to about the level of the base citrus flavor profile familiar to those who have tried Zero Ultra, and at first the homogeny seemed incomplete, and that the cranberry had taken a back seat to the citrus and was not allowed to reach its potential.  Well, I’ve had it a number of times sense (every opportunity I’ve had to buy an energy drink, actually) and I can safely say that I love Ultra Red.  The discrepancies between the two flavors mellow out with repeated drinkings, and before I was wondering if this wondrously balanced beverage was the same one I had drank that first night heading home from Twin Falls.  Bottom line—buy this drink, and do it multiple times.  Chances are by the third time you won’t be able to get enough.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Monster has kicked back on the caffeine a little bit in their Ultra line, and it shows—this isn’t as potent as, say, Lo-Carb or the Rehab line.  One can should be enough to wake you up and put some spring in your step, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t actually buy just one when I’m buying an Ultra beverage—and two of these back-to-back makes for a heckuva fun ride, an easy 9/10 that will suffice for virtually any energy-requiring situation and on top of all that be a joy to guzzle.

KICK (DURATION)—7

One can: around three hours.  Two: five hours, easily.  No crash in either case!

THE DRINK OVERALL—8

As if you can’t tell, I love this drink—enough that I will be reworking my top 10 list soon to accommodate this and the other Ultra beverages.  I’m exceptionally pleased, and don’t doubt other consumers, be they Monster loyalists or newcomers to the energy scene, will be as well.

WEBSITE: monsterenergy.com

KEYWORDS: Monster Energy Ultra Red energy drink review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet

Review for Great Value Energy--Blueberry Acai

CAFFEINE CONTENT

120 mg/packet

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

It’s the Wal-Mart brand, so unless you live in, say, West Yellowstone, Montana, you should be golden.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

Great Value Energy doesn’t look all that great—but who cares?  People that go for this sort of thing are going to look for the word “Energy” on the box, and then their eyes will go right down to the price tag—which will ultimately determine whether they will buy it or not.  So is it aesthetically appealing?  No.  Does it matter?  No.

TASTE—8

In contrast to the other Great Value energy mixes, this one is exceptionally finicky.  Too much water and you wind up with something like bland Gatorade, devoid of any real nuance of flavor.  Too little, and it’s foul—bitter and pungent and overwhelming (don’t even think about mixing in two packets at once).  Get it just right, though, and it is, in fact, very good—you can actually discern the flavors of both the blueberry and the açaí, something that you rarely get with either flavor, and what’s more, Wal-Mart actually nails them pretty good.  My advice: fill up a mason jar most of the way with water, mix it in, add six ice cubes.  Add more water if there’s room left in the jar.  It’s taken me almost all ten packets to figure that out, but now that I’ve nailed it, I’m happy to pass on the knowledge.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

This’ll give you an average boost without too many jitters—fairly run-of-the-mill stuff.

KICK (DURATION)—7

Three hours.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.33

Even though the kick’s nothing worth getting enthused about (can you tell that’s how I feel about it?) it tastes pretty good as long as you can get the quantity of water right, and I suspect it will do for about 99% of the general caffeine-consuming population.

WEBSITE: walmart.com

KEYWORDS: Great Value Blueberry Açaí energy mix review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet

Review for Xtreme Shock--Fruit Punch

CAFFEINE CONTENT

200 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

Best bet is to buy this online or check out your local nutrition centers (the GNC kind, not the natural/whole foods kind).  The supply is otherwise spread pretty thin.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

I don’t feel the need to go over this four more times with the other flavors, so I’m just going to copy and paste my evaluation (with a few edits) from the first review below.  If you’ve read that already, just move on to the flavor evaulation.

I’m not really sure what to make of this one.  First off, the label is energy drink to the core—bold font and colors, lots of lightning, etc.  But the label really isn’t the first thing that catches your attention—it’s more the fact that there’s a bottle sitting on the shelf which looks uncannily like the one my favorite teriyaki sauce comes in, only filled with a liquid that looks like a translucent version of that dreadful Hog Wash garbage my son likes from time to time (I usually get him the sugar free stuff).  The result is a generally befuddled look that grabs your attention quicker than any aesthetic appeal it might have, and I’m not sure that inducing perplexity in consumers is really the way to go when selling your product.

TASTE—8

I’m not sure what it is—I’ve hated the fruit punch flavor for years, but in the last couple of months, I’ve found not one but three that were done in such a way that I quite enjoyed them (I’m behind on my reviews…hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on those soon, but don’t count on it too much).  In the case of this drink here, you get a triple threat to trump all other crap fruit punch drinks—1) it’s not sickeningly sweet, owing to the sparing use of artificial sweeteners, 2) it’s plenty sour, balancing the sweetness nicely, and 3) the flavors are actually distinct—cherry, mango, etc.—rather than the indistinct homogeny of fruity flavors that most fruit punch beverages settle for.  Still might not drink it for the flavor alone, but if you’re into energy/beta alanine supplements and like a good fruit punch, this might very well be a drink for you.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

As far as a pre-workout boost, this drink is excellent—the initial energy jolt is impressive, and I did notice that my fatigue levels were considerably lower over the course of my workout.  Still, my favorite use of this energy drink is as a workout recovery beverage—courtesy of the beta alanine (if the article I read is not mistaken), which has been shown in clinical trials to decrease fatigue in athletes (I’m paraphrasing here).  Unfortunately, it’s also the reason I don’t think I’ll ever go back to these beverages now that I’ve tried out all the flavors—the beta alanine makes me really freaking itchy.  Sometimes it’s just the hands and forearms, but gets extremely noxious extremely quick once it spreads to my trunk and scalp (the last of which is particularly maddening).  So if you need a boost and have had beta alanine supplements before and don’t mind the high price, this might be the way to go.  Otherwise, I’d shy away.  It’s just not worth the itch, especially when I’m already satisfied with my current pre-workout supplement (Cellucor C4—review coming soon, I hope).

KICK (DURATION)—8.5

Just shy of four hours, no crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8.17

I like this drink—don’t get me wrong—but like I said, it’s not something I’ll be revisiting.  If you’re the sort that’s been longing for a caffeine and beta alanine-loaded fruit punch for your workout, then congratulations—this is absolutely your beverage.  I’ll be sticking with my C4, though.

WEBSITE: nutrientscience.com

KEYWORDS: Xtreme Shock Fruit Punch energy drink review, beta alanine supplement, zero carbs, zero sugar, zero calories

Review for Xtreme Shock--Blue Raspberry

CAFFEINE CONTENT

200 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—4

Your best bet when it comes to getting a hold of this one is to find a store with a really well developed fitness supplement section, typically in the company of Bang, Spike, Redline, etc.—and if there’s nowhere around you that matches that description, just buy online.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

Not really sure what to make of this one.  First off, the label is energy drink to the core—bold font and colors, lots of lightning, etc.  But the label really isn’t the first thing that catches your attention—it’s more the fact that there’s a bottle which looks like the one my favorite teriyaki sauce comes in filled with a liquid that looks like a translucent version of that dreadful Hog Wash garbage my son likes from time to time.  The result is a generally confused look that grabs your attention quicker than any aesthetic appeal it might have, and I’m not sure that inducing perplexity in consumers is really the way to go when selling your product.

TASTE—9

In contrast with its immature appearance, which leads you to expect something sickeningly sweet and unabashedly fake, this is actually quite good—a fairly sour version of the classic flavor we all know very well with the sweetness dialed down to a significant and pleasing extent.  Most people using it to power their workout probably aren’t going to take the time to do this, but if you get the urge, try it over ice—it’s even better that way.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

Xtreme Shock is marketed as a workout supplement, with claims of benefit including energy, strength, stamina, focus, recovery, etc.  It would seem intuitive, then, that one would drink it before a workout and evaluate it thusly.  Well…I didn’t drink this one before my workout.  Why on earth, then, am I posting this review?  The answer is because I found it to be exceptionally effective as a post-workout beverage.  Know the feeling you get hours after a good workout, where you feel fatigued and sore and particularly disinclined towards movement?  Well, I needed something to fix that, so I went ahead and downed the nearest energy beverage—which happened to be this.  Worked like a freaking charm—didn’t take long before I was up, about, and thoroughly energized, all muscle fatigue virtually gone and the aforementioned disinclination vanished.

Only problem—I’m allergic to something in this drink; it makes me itchy.  Pretty bearable when it’s just my hands, but really annoying once the scalp and torso get involved.  Real bummer to be allergic to such a nice drink.

KICK (DURATION)—8.5

Lasts about three and a half to four hours.  No crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—8.5

As a revitalizating beverage I like this drink a whole heck of a lot; in reviewing the other flavors I will be sure to drink them pre-workout just so I can evaluate their performance under those circumstances.  In the meantime—if you don’t mind forking out almost three bucks and aren’t allergic to whatever the heck it is that makes me itchy, consider this as your recovery drink.

WEBSITE: nutrientscience.com

KEYWORDS: Xtreme Shock Blue Raspberry drink review, performance energy, workout supplement, zero carbs, zero sugar, zero calories

Review for Loop Blueberry Pomegranate

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Not listed; est. 160-200 mg.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—8

K-Mart brand.  Need I say more?

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—3

I really just don’t get the concept of these drinks.  I mean, I get that it’s the K-Mart brand and that they didn’t put a lot of money/thought into it, but this looks as though people worked around the clock just to make sure that the look didn’t make a lick of sense.  First of all—why on earth would you name it “Loop?”  All the good names taken, so you just picked the first that sounded passable?  Second—what’s with the funky inkblot background?  Third—could you have made the print job any more granulated and shoddy?  Fourth—the ‘Smart Sense’ stamp looks terrible.  Lose it as quickly as possible.

TASTE—4

I used to like this flavor alright.  Wasn’t very smooth or taste particularly like pomegranates or blueberry, but if I was in the mood for a sugary soda of some kind I would go for it.  Now the flavor is one of the most overdone on the market, a least common denominator sort of beverage that ranks down there with Red Bull clone and crap fruit punch.  The mere idea brings a contemptuous sneer to my face, an aspect that now remains fixed as I make my way through the can.  You want the flavor done right?  Grab a Xyience Xenergy Blue Pom Premium (they might call it Blueberry Pomegranate now)—any other incarnations are insulting and unnecessary.

KICK (INTENSITY)—8

The one surprising thing about these is that the sugared variants kick like a boss—enough even that you forget for a moment that you’ve just slarged down roughly 25% of your daily intake of carbohydrates via high fructose corn syrup.  Of course (in my experience), if you don’t burn it off, you pay for it later; but in the meantime it’s something you can easily enjoy.

KICK (DURATION)—10

Five hours; crash if consumed without ample physical exertion soon after the fact.

THE DRINK OVERALL—7.33

They kick well, but there are so many more palpable and equally effective ways to get your kick that I’m not even thinking about recommending it.

WEBSITE: kmart.com

KEYWORDS: Loop Blueberry Pomegranate energy drink review, bargain energy drink

Review for NoDoz Energy Shot--Orange

CAFFEINE CONTENT

115 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

If you really need me to tell you where to find these, here—go to Wal-Mart.  Odds are, however, you already know that from your own excursions or from ads on the Internet—Novartis is being aggressive enough about getting the word out that most people are bound to by now.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

Can’t say I like the orange on blue quite as much as the purple on blue the berry sported, but it’s equally tidy and still has that NoDoz logo going for it—which, when it comes right down to it, is about the only thing that matters here when it comes to these shots getting their spot in the market.

TASTE—6

Like the berry flavor, this one’s agreeable by shot standards—but all that means is that I didn’t feel like I had to gag it down, so that’s faint praise indeed.  It’s pretty short on aftertastes, isn’t too harsh, and as is it’s good enough that if I were a shot guy I would prefer it to the flavor other orange-flavored shots.  I do, however, have other orange-flavored energy beverages with which I’m positively enamored, and next to them this one doesn’t stand a chance.

KICK (INTENSITY)—6.5

If you’re like me, having been spoiled by the likes of Spike, Bang, Endorush (review coming soon), etc., this is going to seem pretty lackluster, almost stripped-down.  If, however, you’re generally sparing and prudent with your energy consumption, the mid-level alertness sans jitters is going to make for a smooth and pleasant ride.

KICK (DURATION)—6.5

Somewhere around two and a half hours, two hours and 45 minutes.  No crash.

THE SHOT OVERALL—6.33

If my recommendation’s worth anything, I think you should try this at least once and get a feel what the bare-bones energy formula does for you.  If you’re a longtime NoDoz fan—chances are you aren’t going to be let down.  Enjoy your shot.  Either way, leave your thoughts in the comments below.

WEBSITE: nodoz.com

KEYWORDS: NoDoz Orange energy shot review, zero carbs, zero sugar, alertness aid, pharmaceutical caffeine

Review for NoDoz Energy Shot--Berry

CAFFEINE CONTENT

115 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

Though still technically an emerging product, chances are you and everyone else already know where to find NoDoz shots—Novartis is making Wal-Mart the focus of its aggressive marketing campaign, and if the brand name means anything (which it probably does), chances are that’s all it’s going to need…for now.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

The colors are attractive, the motif is clean, caffeine content listed, no lame paragraph lauding the excellence of the product—but chances are most people aren’t going to care much about any of that.  If anything, it’s that prominent logo front and center that’s going to reel people in, and if that’s got them hooked, nothing else is going to matter.

TASTE—6

I was actually surprised how well Novartis managed to pull this off—as many shots as I’ve had, I knew when I saw that this was berry-flavored that it would be prudent to brace myself for a really nasty 5 Hour Energy clone.  Taking a whiff after I got the bottle open, I was quite surprised to note that this actually had a pleasant berry fragrance—shots usually smell about as bad as they taste.  The second surprise came in the flavor itself—it didn’t taste half bad—I actually tasted berries, with minimal (for a shot) interference from the artificial sweeteners, etc.  It’s not something I’d drink every day for the flavor, but it’s absolutely one of the better berry shots I’ve had.

KICK (INTENSITY)—6.5

NoDoz tablets are, in a way, the original energy supplement, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the shots stick to their roots, toting 115 mg of caffeine, and that’s it—no B vitamins, no ginseng, no milk thistle or anything of the sort.  As for effects, you can expect a modest boost—you won’t be wired out of your mind and you certainly won’t be jittery; if you’re used to the likes of Monster and Rockstar it will certainly be unfamiliar territory and you might very well feel cheated.  People familiar with the tablets, however, will certainly feel gratified with the clean (and almost lenient) sense of alertness they proffer.  My advice: for a drive of medium length where you’re feeling somewhat tired or a late afternoon study session when you need to put a few in a few more hours before you hit the sack, hit the NoDoz.  For intense fatigue or a trip to the gym, look elsewhere.

KICK (DURATION)—6.5

Got somewhat less than three hours of energy out of this, no crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.33

NoDoz is not my favorite energy product (or even my favorite energy shot), but I do appreciate it for what it is.  Longtime fans of the tablets: enjoy your shots.  Newcomers: it’s worth trying at least once.  Do so, and please, all, leave your thoughts on the matter.

WEBSITE: nodoz.com

KEYWORDS: NoDoz Berry energy shot review, zero carbs, zero sugar, alertness aid, pharmaceutical caffeine

Review for 4C Energy Rush--Tea

CAFFEINE CONTENT

60 mg/serving (1/2 tsp)

EASE IN ACQUISITION—10

Wal-Mart acquisition.  Need I say more?

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

As with all of these water additives, points are given for making it so convenient to carry such gratuitous quantities of energy everywhere you go, be it in a pocket, purse or whatever; also appreciated is the listing of the caffeine content.  Aesthetically, this one is interesting—kind of like the person designing the label got creative with different colors of chalk on a blackboard and decided it looked great.  Only downside is that it blends in so easily with its neighboring water additives that unless you know where to look you might pass it over without even knowing it, other than that it earns my thumbs up.

TASTE—7.5

Let me start by saying this: tea drinkers, this is not a product for you.  There is little to no actual tea in here; it’s so far down below the “natural and artificial flavors” in the ingredients list that it might as well be considered homeopathic.  That being said, if your palate is not too discriminatory, you might enjoy the slightly sour, moderately sweetened earthiness of this concoction—not quite instant Monster Rehab, but still a palpable enough way to get your morning dose of caffeine.

KICK (INTENSITY)—10

Like the Mio Energy water enhancers (whose innovation this was doubtless inspired by), this is an exceptionally versatile product, capable of giving you any sort of boost ranging from mild (1/2 tsp or one serving) to exceptionally intense (3 tsp/1 tbsp or six servings…not advised on a regular basis).  Start low and work your way up, and you should be able to find a buzz that’s right for you.

KICK (DURATION)—10

You can get anywhere from an hour to over five with this one, depending on how much you use.  No crash recalled.

THE PRODUCT OVERALL—9.17

This is definitely not going to please everyone in the taste department as much as it did me, but for those who do like the flavor, it’s inexpensive, versatile and about as convenient as you could ask for.  Try it and leave your thoughts.

WEBSITE: 4c.com

KEYWORDS: 4C Energy Rush water enhancer review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet

Review for Red Rain Hydroplane

CAFFEINE CONTENT

142 mg

EASE IN ACQUISITION—6

Used to be as easy as visiting your local Dollar Tree—though I’ve noticed that supplies of this one in particular have dwindled considerably.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Color’s nice, the motif generally unexciting.  Besides mentioning how strange it is to see that tramp stamp design over and over and still have no clue whatsoever what it’s there for, that’s all there really is to say.

TASTE—5

I’ve been okay with this flavor in times past—the blueberry pomegranate flavor that doesn’t really taste like either of those things—just because of its relative agreeability compared to numerous other (particularly Red Rain) offerings.  Fact of the matter is, though, I’m getting really tired of it.  This flavor started out short of its potential, and short of its potential it’s stayed—and with industry leaders coming out with powerhouse energy beverages (think Monster’s Rehab line, or Red Bull’s Editions line) on a relatively regular basis, there’s no excuse for this sort of mediocrity to continue the way it has.  Know what happens to a stagnant pool of water?  Well, same deal here.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Same as every Red Rain beverage—very, very, very, very average.  Need to be awake?  Moderately functional?  You can count on any Red Rain beverage, including this one, for that.  Just don’t expect anything more.

KICK (DURATION)—7

These last about three hours; crash ensues afterwards—unless, I’ve found, that I work that sugar off at the gym.

THE DRINK OVERALL—6.33

There is nothing whatsoever that is even remotely remarkable about this beverage, and the experience of drinking it/feeling the effects can hardly be called such.  Just pass this one over.  Someone who hasn’t read this review will grab it.

WEBSITE: redrain.ca

KEYWORDS: Red Rain Hydroplane energy drink review, bargain energy drink

Review for Hi Ener-G

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Not listed

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

This, like the Red Rain energy shot I just reviewed, is a K-Mart acquisition.  K-Mart being the (wholly undeservedly) nigh-omnipresent chain that it is, you should have no difficulty finding this—unless supply varies from chain to chain.  I don’t make it a habit to explore K-Marts outside of my own, so I have no idea if that’s the case or not.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

The main aesthetic appeal of this shot is that it looks different—and by different, I mean it’s not an obvious 5 Hour clone.  The tall bottle and rich colors are a nice change from the norm; my only complaints are 1) the failure of the company to disclose the caffeine contents of the shots, 2) the incredibly ridiculous name/cheesy misspelling of that name, and 3) the shrink-wrapping job on my bottle—it doubles over in front, distorting the logo.  Kind of tacky when a company is that careless about the bottling of their product, isn’t it?

TASTE—0

I was pleasantly surprised to see in my last trip to K-Mart that this product had been marked down—from $5.99 to a mere $2.95 for a pack of three.  I saw it as an opportunity to get my hands on some inexpensive energy that I hadn’t even gotten around to reviewing—as it turns out, however, I should have taken it as a warning.

Hi Ener-G is one of the nauseating things I have ever had the displeasure of gagging down.  Ever been to an elderly couple’s house, where the carpet and furniture have been around since the early 1960’s an haven’t been deep-cleaned in at least two decades, and everything is rank with the musk of half a century of accumulation of dead skin cells and B.O.?  Well, now you have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to taste that—I say once, even though it’s sold in the 3-pack, because I can almost certainly guarantee you will never, ever in a million years want to do it again.

As far as which elements of the flavor are actually to blame, I’m going to point the finger at the tea flavoring (which is positively rancid) and the energy blend (which is excruciatingly bitter)—particularly the ginseng, which is not masked by the tea flavor as the product description on the website indicates it should be and leaves a hot, acrid sensation lingering in your mouth after you swallow that is as unpleasant as anything else out there.

Whatever the problematic agents, this stuff is foul almost beyond belief, and reason enough to avoid the product permanently.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7.5

All of the above is a pity, because the kick here is one of a superb energy shot.  When you’re in the throes of its effects, you really feel as though you’ve taken an energizing vitamin supplement rather than your run-of-the-mill energy shot, if that makes any sense.  If not—let’s just say that while the strength is only slightly above average, it is characterized by a general lack of harshness or heaviness that characterizes a number of other energy products, and feels good enough that I would return to the product again, were it not for the atrocious flavor.

KICK (DURATION)—7.5

Somewhere between three, three and a half hours.  No appreciable crash.

THE DRINK OVERALL—5

Make no mistake—this is a product that kicks well enough that I’m sure the company meant well when they formulated it.  Problem is I cannot in good conscious recommend it—it tastes like some sort of poison or emetic, and no excellence in quality or quantity of kick ever begin to make up for that.

WEBSITE: windmillvitamins.com

KEYWORDS: Hi Ener-G energy shot review

Review for Red Rain Energy Shot--Watermelon

CAFFEINE CONTENT

Not listed, but certainly moderate.

EASE IN ACQUISITION—7

Readily available at your local K-Mart (which are themselves easier to find than they probably should be). 

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

This small red bottle holds some aesthetically appeal in the fact that it is brightly colored and clean, though compared to the hordes of other energy products on the market it’s not particularly remarkable.  Points come off for Red Rain’s failure to disclose the caffeine content and that inexplicable, tramp stamp-like design wrapping around the bottle at the lid.

TASTE—4

Red Rain’s watermelon energy shot is not so bad that it can be called a perversion of the flavor of the much-beloved summer fruit (as was Redline’s offering), but as far as any actual appeal is concerned it is still decidedly lacking.  It has a recognizable watermelon influence, but that’s where the resemblance ends, and the artificial sweeteners and bitter medicinal ingredients take over and give it that characteristically disagreeable energy shot bite.  Watermelon fans will certainly offended, everyone else simply put off.

KICK (INTENSITY)—7

Average.  Moderate alertness, no jitters.

KICK (DURATION)—7

Three hours, no crash.

THE SHOT OVERALL—6

As you might have noticed, I’m really grasping at straws trying to get this product reviewed—and that should tell you more about the shot than any extended rant I could write.  This shot offers so little by way of actual substance that it’s scarcely enough of an experience to review.  Avoid this one in favor of other readily available and vastly superior products.

WEBSITE: redrainenergy.ca

KEYWORDS: Red Rain Watermelon energy shot review, zero carbs, zero calories, zero sugar, diet