CAFFEINE
CONTENT
Est.
80 mg/serving (two pieces)
EASE
IN ACQUISITION—1
Fairly
sparse, much like any Jolt product.
APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7
As
far as looks are concerned, I really don’t feel there’s a lot to comment on
here. Aesthetically it’s short,
sweet, and to the point, if a bit on the cartoony side of things; functionally
it’s got all its ducks in the row with the exception of a declared caffeine
content. The only clue you have is
the statement ‘two pieces of Jolt gum = one energy drink’ on the front of the
package, which is about as vague, though markedly less self absorbed, as the
ever-popular “about as much caffeine as the leading premium cup of
coffee.” Seeing as this usually
translates into about 80 mg, I took it upon myself to make the educated guess
of 40 mg/piece.
TASTE—3
In
addition to being a bit of an energy drink aficionado, I consider myself a
connoisseur when it comes to chewing gum.
Having been a chain chewer since mid 2006, I’ve had a lot of time to
figure out likes, dislikes, and explore the nuances of flavor, texture, and
potency of different brands and flavors of gum—which more or less means that I
know what I like and why. That
being said, I’m excited for my first shot at an energy chewing gum, and am very
much looking forward to experiencing a product that delivers a delicious taste,
pleasant texture, decent caffeine boost, and freshness of breath.
This
is not that product. It is an
absolute mess, the sort of thing conceived by people who obviously have no idea
what they’re doing and apparently don’t care, much like what you would expect
if Ford decided to start making pool tables. Let’s go over it bit by bit so you get the idea.
First
things first—you stick this in your mouth, and you immediately notice that this
is a good deal tougher than most pieces of gum; kind of like it’s held together
with a small amount of rubber cement.
Hoping that it’ll get better with some chewing, you go at it for a
minute or two, during which it turns to mush and almost disintegrates on
you. About this time the flavor
starts to come out, along with a healthy degree of caffeine bitterness. The bitterness lasts about ten minutes,
and the flavor only about 30 or so, after which you find yourself chewing what
seems to be the piece of a truck tire.
Does
this sound remotely like anything you want to experience? Even for curiosity’s sake, it’s a high
price to pay; think twice before buying.
KICK
(INTENSITY)—4
On
top of its strongly disagreeable flavor, this gum does a pretty lousy job as an
energy product if you’re looking for anything serious in the energy
department. Will you feel ever so
slightly more alert? Sure. Will it actually wake you up? Not by a long shot.
KICK
(DURATION)—4
Best
guess is about an hour of efficacy.
Like my last review (Energy Gummi Bears), no need to comment on the lack
of crash.
THE
PRODUCT OVERALL—3.67
Jolt
has failed and failed catastrophically with their energy gum; even if it is
convenient the lousy payoff just isn’t worth it. Avoid.
WEBSITE:
joltgum.com (aside from Spike Energy, probably the least informative energy
product site I’ve been to)
KEYWORDS: Jolt Energy Gum review
No comments:
Post a Comment